New Adventures In Dreamworld

Its Gone Missing

2012-01-27T01:11:00.001-08:00

I think i've lost my blogging mojo. No scratch that - i know i have. Its between going back to work after the Christmas break, and starting a new business where i have to do paperwork of an evening after getting home from my other job, and a now 2 yr old who has discovered the Terrible Two's .... i'm stuffed by the end of the day and doing a blog post is the last priority.

Don't get me wrong - i still WANT to blog. I have every intention of posting and then my fingers hover over the keyboard and i find that i have nothing to write. You know except " I'm tired! " or " Cant someone else cook dinner for a change ? ". And i'm still reading all your blogs, alughing along with you, sharing your stresses, all the usual stuff. I just cant get anything to consistently onto MY page.

Maybe i need to go find myself one of those 30 day challenges, so i'm pretty much given a topic and forced to write everyday? I know when i did the Ralph Waldo Emerson challenge last year that it really renewed my passion for my blog. So - any suggestions? I dont want to do a photo challenge because the aim here is to get me writing again, so can anyone recommend a writing challenge to me? Or can anyone suggest a topic - something you want to aske me, or want hear my opinion on ( haha ) ?
Help me people!

Mama Makeover Time

2012-01-23T01:08:00.000-08:00

So.... i've decided that 2012 is my year, gawd damn it! Seeing that there are many things coming together for me and my family, and that the wedding is well and truely over, I decided that it was time for a little makeover. Nothing too crazy, nothing too way out - just a bit of a shine and polish if you will. And what better time to do it than for my 28th birthday? So Saturday morning, the day before my birthday i went off to have my hair " did " - a new cut and a bit of colour is exactly what i needed to kick start my "new year, new me " campaign.

Lets take a look at the "before " me:

Oh yea - so NOT sexilicious! Plain dark brown hair, just past shoulder length, long enough that when i'm feeling lazy ( which is 99% of the time ) i can just chuck it up in a ponytail. Oh, and as you may have noticed, zero makeup. Au naturel bathroom mirror shot baby!

And, a few hours later, the " after " :

Better! A sleek bob which pretty much only needs a straightener run through it and, though you cant really tell in the bathroom light, its had a chilli red colour put through it. A bit of makeup - including lippie! - and i was ready to go out of for dinner with my boys. This is what i wore:

So the pic isn't all that awesome, so apologies for that. But there I am with my sleek new hair in one of my favourite simple dresses in navy blue ( $10 from SES! ) and my gorgeous cage heels courtesy of my generous Dad.

So - what do we think? Worth the money i forked out at the hairdressers or what?

Putting The " Pee " In " Potty "

2012-01-19T00:50:00.000-08:00

It seems that every " Mummy " blogger worth her salt has done a post about toilet training in the past few weeks - and, as late to the party as i may be, i'm jumping on that bandwagon too. Or the Toilet Train, if you want to go that way.

Flynn turned 2 last month and Mick and I had already decided that particular milestone would signal the start of offical potty training. I know your supposed to wait for all the "signals " but if your child is showing some, but not others well... whats a Mama to do? We'd bought a potty back at 18 mths old at the advice of our child health nurse, just to get him used to the idea of what it was and what it was for. It sat next to our toilet, and Flynn would sit on it of a morning ( fully clothed ) to brush his teeth. Occasionally i'd ask him if he'd like to try sitting on it, maybe try doing a wee when Mummy was going to the toilet, but the answer was pretty much always a polite, but firm, " No Mum ".

But turning 2 was Flynns D-Day. I started sitting him on the potty once before lunch, once after his nap and then right before his bath for a few days to get him used to both the concept and how sitting on the potty actually felt. We had a poo on the potty on the 2nd day, and the one after that ( my son has an admittedly very regular schedule for those, so i think we fluked it ) and i thought " Oh man, this going to be a cinch! " And then... nothing. He didnt want to sit down when i asked him, and he'd just wait til his nappy was back on and then he'd go.

So i asked my parents advice - Mum said put him in undies. Tell him they're for big boys and it might have two effects: 1) he'll feel proud wearing them like a big kid and 2) when he does wet them he'll soon figure out it doesnt feel too good and want to go on the potty. So we've been trying it - on the days i dont work Flynn goes into undies as soon as we get up, and only wears a nappy for sleeps and when we go out. It had been two weeks of wet undies, one pair of soiled jocks ( strangely, he still managed to hold in those #2's until a nappy was on ) and lots of begging and pleading on both our behalfs. That is.... until yesterday.

Monday we had a successful poo in the potty. I clapped and i cheered and i told him how proud i was. We flushed it down the loo and waved goodbye to it. I told him that if he could do a big wee in the potty that there would be a pay off - a " special present " for learning how to be a big boy. I worked Tuesday so he was in nappies most of the day. But Wednesday afternoon, after an hr and half in undies without an accident before his nap, and a dry nappy when he woke up, i knew the time was right. We sat down together, me on the floor and him on the potty. We read " Olivia " twice. He begged to put a nappy on but i told him no, a wee was going to come, and he could do it in the potty. And then, just like that, we had action! I was so happy i almost cried. Ok, maybe i did a bit. But we had success, and then after a trip to Big W to buy the "special present " ( he chose a new truck... ) we had two more successful potty attempts that afternoon, and one this morning.

I know this isnt all over - its gonna be a while yet before i can say Flynn is day trained, and even longer before we have nights covered, but i'm just happy that after almost a month of frusturation for everybody that we've had that maiden success. I'd love to have him out of nappies during the day by winter and thankfully i have both his daycare " Mum " and my parents on board, so he can be nappy free most places he is during the day. I'd love any suggestions, tips or tricks you fellow mamas might have on how to help him along aswell. So - how did your kids go? Any potty training secrets you should be letting me in on?

Mrs Ranty Pants

2012-01-17T01:11:00.000-08:00

It may not be Monday but i've got my ranty-pants on today. Why? Because one of my colleagues is annoying me so much i'm trying desperately to control the urge to punch him in the head. Violent? Yea, maybe. A means to an end? Yep.

For the next two weeks i am working in my department by myself. Rather than this fill me with dread at being run entirely off my feet, i'm more worried about running out of things to do and spending my days fighting off boredom. You see, with our optometrist on leave, so are his patients - which leaves me with only paperwork and filing to catch up on. Not the most exciting of prospects, and the likely situation is that i will have finished playing catch ups this afternoon and be left with 4 more shifts and not very much to do.

So, knowing this, at 9am this morning, this particular colleague is over in my department, poking around, putting deliveries away. Ordinarily I might appreciate a bit of help, but in this circumstance he was being kind of unhelpful.

No worries though, it was only one thing. I thanked him and asked him to leave anything else for me to do. " Oh, dont you want me to come over here and give you a hand cleaning it out? " Umm... no, thanks, i can do it myself. It wont take that long. " Oh, but dont you need me to do some of your filing ? " Umm.... no thanks, i'm here by myself with no patients remember? " Yea, but how about i do some phone calls for you ? " Umm... seriously, no. I can do it by myself. ( Now get out of my department ).

So sure, that sounds pretty petty. And it is - but when its a person who is very rarely doing his own work, at his own desk, poking around your department playing 20 questions, its gets a bit much. As does his attitude to his own work when its there to be done - seeing that he was busy chit-chatting to someone ( and i mean chit-chatting, having a catch up, not actually doing business with them ) i answered his phone. I couldnt help with the callers query ( you know, seeing as its not my department ) and when i cleared my throat, did the whole " Umm, excuse me - this lady needs blahedy blah " you know what he says ? " I dont know. Cant help her " and turns back to his friend. How. Effing. Rude. Rude to me and rude to the caller. I had to jump back on the phone and tactfully explain that he wasnt sure of the answer and transfer her elsewhere.

When he finally finished his chat and his friend had left.... well copped an evil eye and a mouthful from me about how rude he was. I'm telling ya - he carries on like this for the rest of the fortnight he'll be headed for an early grave....

Hello Up There!

2012-01-12T01:06:00.000-08:00

Dear God/Universe/Who Or Whatever Is In Control Of These Things,

What the hell is up with the weather lately?

By lunchtime today the temperature here in DubVegas was only 18 decrees Celsius. 18 freaking degrees, in the middle of summer! That is just beyond ridiculous.... that has to be at least 15 degrees cooler than normal summer temperatures. We had to turn the heating/cooling system off in the office because 3 of us had goosebumps and i was pretty sure if my fingertips got much colder they might have dropped off!

So what the crap is going on Mother Nature? You need to get your act together and give me some reasonable summer temperatures so that i can wear summer dresses, and swim, and get out in the sunshine while i still can. We're taking Flynn to the beach in Februray and it will be his first time seeing the ocean. If its too cold for him to swim i will be one very unhappy camper!

Yours Truely,
Amy ( a January born water baby. Who loves summer and HATES the cold! )

Something To Talk About - " Choose 5 " Link Up

2012-01-10T01:25:00.000-08:00

So Melissa from " The Things I'd Tell You " has decided that she'd like to start a weekly link up, wherein she'll post a subject/theme/idea dn if you feel inspired you can get on board and write your on post. Which is what i'm doing this week because this weeks topic is hot. Or should i say hawt?
In a fantasy world, forget about spouses and loves, if you could fall in love with {or be best friends with, I don't think it should all be about who you'd shag , so lets have some from both categories } a movie or tv character, name 5 you would choose. Not the actors but the movie characters. You have to tell us why.
So here goes:

1. Noah from " The Notebook " - yes i know its a stereotypically mushy chick-flick adored by women everywhere. But Noah is pretty much the most romantic male lead ever ( to the point where women weep - hell, they SOB - at how sweet he is... ) and the fact that he's played by the divine Ryan Gosling doesnt hurt either.

2. Wesley/The Dread Pirate Roberts from " The Princess Bride " - Wesley gets the nod because a) " The Princess Bride " was one of my favourite movies as a young girl; b) the film was probably my first taste of romance and; c) he's romantic AND he's a pirate. Oh, and he can sword fight, and rock climb, and outwit a Sicilian, all with a flip of his perfect hair, a wink and a grin. As you wish...

3. Mr Darcy from various incarnations of " Pride and Prejudice " - seriously, how was there any doub that i WOULDN'T pick Mr Darcy? I havent seen the Colin Firth version ( i know, i know ) so i'll go with Mathew McFadyen played opposite Keira Knightleys Elizabeth ( i seriously have a girl crush on Keira KNightly, but thats a whole other post ). Perhaps not as physically gorgeous but there is something about that stand-offish , repressed passion that really draws me in.

4. Roux from " Chocolat " - i have two words for you: Johnny. Depp. Do i need to explain further? OK - how bout a movie set in France, in a chocolaterie, where Johnny plays a handsome gypsy who knows how to play guitar and fix things? I want to replace Juliette Binoche, take him out on that barge and jump his beautiful gypsy bones...

5. Hyde from " That 70's Show " - this one is purely because Hyde is bad boy 70's super fly, and i want to run my hands through his white-boy afro. ( oh, and over his bum in those tight 70's style jeans. Yea, i think i'd like me a piece of that ...)

Taking Care Of Business

2012-01-06T01:49:00.000-08:00

So the first week of running our new business has been .... interesting. There have been a few tanties thrown, a bit of crying, one " i cant do this! " and a whole lot of phone calls for help.

Its not that anything is overly hard, as such - its just that for me, EVERYTHING is new, and though Mick may be an old hand at the physical aspect of running the business, he's never had to do it all by himself. Which means ( as i expected ) that this week has been a little tricky for each of us. Like i said, Mick has been running around town doing all the physical stuff on his own ( though i did give him a hand on Wednesday morning, not that i did it very successfully ) and i have been doing the "paperwork " of an evening when he gets home.

He apologised to me last night because it seems, to him, "so hard ". But its not hard, just time consuming - all i am doing at the moment is basic MYOB data entry, its just that i dont know delivery prices for thngs yet, or the correct address for every customer, or what the hell half the stuff we deliver some days even is! So i have to keep referring back to the notes the precious owners generously made for me, or calling someone who might have a better idea. Plus, i have to set customers up in the system as we sell to them, so i have to do that before i can register a sale. Suffice to say ( without going into further very boring detail ) all that takes a while.

But its all good. Mick seems to be stressing a bit, but i'm keeping my head up and knowing that this is only the first week - check back with us at the end of the first month and we'll be much more comfortable. Plus, as time-consuming as it may be to learn now, getting a handle on how our business is run, and then being able to run it the way that works for us will benefit our family for years to come. We need to forget the first week jitters and concentrate on how good it will be in a year, or 5 years or 10. Onwards and upwards i say!

Let Them Eat Cake

2012-01-03T18:13:00.000-08:00

So between the chaos of Christmas and New Years, in our house there is Flynns birthday. Oh yea, poor boy had the misfortune of being born in that no-mans land week between parties, which means he pretty much gets all his presents in one big go and is devoid of the pleasure of unwrapping for the rest of the year.
However, though the presents might be the important part to him ( even just turning 2 he already knows the excitement of " ooh - presents!! " ), the important part of the day for me as mama is the cake.

Or, should i say cakes - this year Flynn daycare " mum " ( he goes to family daycare, and i dont like just calling her a "carer " or babysitter... ) asked if they could have a little birthday bash for him on the last of care for the year ( Dec 23rd ) so i had the pleasure of making two lots of birthday cakey goodness this year. And i say pleasure because although i did stress a bit about how they would turn out, i actually enjoyed thinking of a cute idea and then making and decorating the cakes

I decided for daycare it would be nicer to do cupcakes, that way each little kid on their own piece, all the same size, no arguments. But i didnt want them to plain old cupcakes, i wanted some kind of theme, something Flynn would like. So i thought a bit and came up with " ooh- Sesame Street! The boy loves Sesame Street! " So for daycare Flynn got these:

Can you tell that theyre supposed to be Cookie Monster? Vanilla cupcakes with blue coconut icing, mini marshmallows for eyes and mini choc-chip cookies jammed in where his mouth would be ( because what else would Cookie Monster have hanging out his face ? )
And for the official day i had to do a proper birthday cake. One that caused me a bit of anxiety as to how to make it. One like this:

ELLLLLLLLLLLLLMOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! This was the stressful one - how do i make the eyes? How do i make the nose? What shape should his mouth be? In the end i went with the semi-circle mouth carved into the cake, eyes made of chocolate biscuits, the nose from a Monte Carlo and everything iced the appropriate colour. I need not have stressed though - Flynn was amazed by the whole Elmo cake but he didnt actually eat any! ( he was too busy playing... )

So how do you think i went? And are you a home-made or a store-bought kind of person?

I Solemnly Swear: New Years Resolutions 2012

2011-12-31T02:35:00.000-08:00

So its the last day of the year and its time to get reflective - on the year past and on whats ahead in the year to come. Its also the time when bazillions of people around the world choose to set themselves those very special New Years goals that we call resolutions - and i am one of those people. And because i'm also a blogger i get to share!

( I know i used this pic last year bit i love me some Calvin and Hobbes! )

The Conceptual Goal: as i explained last year this is the goal that has no real, measurable outcome - its more of an intangible. I've had a think about the what i've experienced this year, things i have seen and done and learnt that can be done in a better way in 2012 and i've come up with this as 2012's goal: to find the ability to trust, and to share of myself more readily with those whom i can accept into my circle. Ooh, all deep and meaningful. Basically, i have trust issues - that is, i trust very few people which means i can quite often be misinterpreted as being cold, or boring. I'm neither of those things, i've just been very badly burnt in the past when i've given wholly of myself and found that that trust has not been reciprocated. So this year i want to find it within myself to take that chance at trusting people, which means i will be able to open myself up to the opportunity of friendship more easily. And that can only be a good thing right?

The Physical Goal: So where the conceptual cant be measured, the physical of course is the one where everyone will be able to see whether i pass or fail. This year i actually have two: #1 to have a baby and #2 to establish a successful business. The first is kind of self explanatory. The second is what i hope for the business that Mick and I have bought ( and that we start running as of January 3rd - nervous! ) - i hope that we can at least match the finacial forecast that was given to us by the previous business owners, and establish a comfortable relationship with the existing clients. That to me would mean a " successful " year, and would give us the confidence to proceed as small business owners into the future.

How about you? What is on your agenda for 2012?

Polly Dolly - Catch Up Week

2011-12-28T23:44:00.001-08:00

So you may have noticed that Polly Dolly has been M.I.A around here lately.... and believe you me, i've missed her! So i was happy to see that Dani from Danimezza is playing catch ups this week posting a new Polly Dolly theme every day. Here are my first 3 for the week:

Hello Polly Claus! I tried to recreate what i wore on Xmas day but i couldnt find the right cut of dress ( mine was an empire waist with spaghetti straps ) so i went with this one instead. I swapped my casual sandals for something a little dressier and found a gorgeous little pendant which i would love to own in real life...

Both myself and Polly love to be comfortable in bed so for those hot summer nights i've found a cute little nighty, some comfy pillows and some soft cotton sheets. Music is an essential for falling asleep and a bottle of water beside the bed so i dont have to fumble to the kitchen in the dark in the middle of the night...

And lastly, Polly as a Bali beach babe. I thought we have to go with a huge pop of colour for a tropical holiday so i've gone with a bright orange kaftan, some beaded flat sandals ( swap for some wedges for night time cocktails ) and a big tote to take to the beach!

Dear Flynn, Aged 2 Years - Happy Birthday!

2011-12-27T18:16:00.000-08:00

To my dear Flynn,

You crazy little fluffy-nut - happy birthday! Mama ( yep, just lately you almost always call me " Mama " instead of " Mummy " ) can't believe you turned 2 yesterday and you can NOT be called a baby anymore. As Daddy and I keep telling you, you are most definately a big boy now - a funny, (mostly) well-tempered, smart little boy who loves being outside, wrestling with his dad and pretty much anything with wheels.

When you're not being all rough and tumble, you do enjoy reading a book or five. This is something i really love about you. I love that you've taken an interest in books and even if Daddy or I can't sit and read to you, you are more than happy to sit on your bed with CharlieBear and Hoot and your teddy bear Bruce and flip through the book yourself. You also love music and ask me to put your music on for you in your room at least once a day ( Justine Clark and the Wiggles are you favourites ). And then you dance and sing and a few times i've even caught you just lying back on your bed listening, just like a teenager would. That kind of made me smile even though it kind of reminded me of how fast your growing up...

You've conquered so much this year - you started walking just after your first birthday, then running, and then climbing up anything you could get to. You talk constantly and your speech is developing rapidly ( methinks this is because you know a lot of children older than yourself, and you spend a lot of time chitty-chatting with them ) and you've even starting counting to 10 ( although apparently the number 6 doesnt exist.... ).

That binky you have in your face there is going this year too....

This coming year i've got one major thing on your to-do list, little man - potty training. Mama would love for you to learn to go to the " potty " so that we can throw away the nappies. We've already started - slowly - and though we had one morning where you successfully went in the potty most times when i ask if you need to go you shake your head and say " No mama no! Dont want it! ". No matter - slow and steady and i'm sure by this time next year we can say you're nappy free!

I know i say it all the time but - Mama loves you! I'm so proud of the way your are growing, the personality you are developing, the little person you are turning into. I love that you use your manners 99% of the time, that your pretty fast and loose with your kisses and "huggles" and that you love to laugh. Daddy and I couldnt love you anymore if we tried!
Keep up the awesome sleeping and you're pretty much the perfect kid,
Love you millions,
Mama

Santa Photos 2011

2011-12-22T00:43:00.000-08:00

So - it was inevitable that at some point before Christmas i would post Flynns 2011 Santa photos, right? Come on, every " mummy " blogger worth her salt is throwing out the best pics of their kiddies, and by "best " i mean one like this:

Oh yes, that is my beautiful son - cacking his daks and screaming his lungs out at having to be anywhere near Santa. This is honestly the ONLY photo we could get Flynn in the frame with the big red man... every other time i'd plop him in that little chair and he'd dart straight back up before the photo could be taken. Luckily we have our Santa photos done by my very good friend Ree ( look her up under Speaking One Thousand Words on Facebook ) and she's smart enough to know that not every child is going to like Santa, so she has a couple of other Christmas-y set ups to be used. Also luckily, we jointly decided to take some photos with the other set-ups before we tried with Santa, because i had kind of predicted a major Flynny meltdown. So, instead of having just that hilariously horrible Santa photo, i have these beauties to remember this Christmas by:

He wasnt overly fond of the tinsel under his bum....

....but he did enjoy ringing Santa's bell...

....and this? This is my favourite.

So what about you? Are you're kids " okay " with Santa, or did they crack it? And how were you as a kid?

Oh - and from me and mine to you and yours - Merry Christmas everyone!

A Musical Interlude

2011-12-20T18:07:00.000-08:00

Having run all over town this morning doing some semi-last minute errands before Christmas ( including taking Flynn for a haircut appointment at 8:15am.... ) i got to listen to a fair bit of music whilst out and about in the car. Usually its The Wiggles all the way while we cruise around - lets just say it keeps the peace - but today i vetoed the thousandth repeat of " Wake Up Jeff! " and decided to switch on Micks IPod. After wading through some crap ( ahem... White Zombie ) i came across the first dance song from our wedding... which firstly made me a bit nostalgic - even though we've only been married 6 weeks - and secondly, i remembered that i had promised a few more wedding posts. So, today i present you all with the three most important songs for any girls wedding:
#1 - the song she walks down the aisle to;
#2 - the song the newlyweds walk back up the aisle to to greet their guests and
#3 - the all important first dance song.

#1 - " Just Because " by Nikka Costa. I thought a lot about the song i wanted to walk down the aisle to and the one thing i knew is that i didnt want it to be a song that had be " done " a bazillion times before. So i (we ) went with one of my favourite love songs of all time, which really just somes up my feelings towards Mick... basically, i love him ' just because ' - because of all the simple, little things that just make him him.

#2 - " Burn Your Name " by Powderfinger. One of my FAVE bands of all time. This song came out a few weeks before Flynn was born and from the first time i heard it it was a song that represented so much about how i felt about Mick and our impending family. When it came to planning the wedding i knew i wanted to have it somewhere, and because its a bit more uptempo we decided to use it as the song we played after the ceremony, when everyone is a celebratory mood.

#3 - " Bless the Broken Road " by Rascall Flatts. We were pretty much unanimous on this one. We both love this song, it represents the way we felt coming into our relationship, and its a great melody for a slow dance. Love!

So there you be - the 3 most important songs from my special day. How about you - what songs did you have, or would you have, at your wedding?

Nothing Yet....

2011-12-17T18:19:00.000-08:00

Seeing as its Sunday and there is precisely zero happening around, i dont have much to say - except this:

There is still no bun in my oven. Absolute boo to that.

To be fair - to myself, and to everyone else out there trying to conceive - we have only been trying for 7 weeks, or two cycles ( the first of which, having come off the pill, i dont think i ovulated anyway ). So its not like we've been trying forever, or are even anywhere near thinking about fertility tests in the like.... its just that i so badly want a baby like RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE and had my fingers crossed that it would all happen in an instant . ( You know, like it did last time, when i missed two days worth of the Pill and miraculously fell pregnant.) But it hasnt and i know, in my head, that it very rarely does happen like that.

However, the heart wants what the heart wants, regardless of how much the head knows better. Long story short, i'm not pregnant yet and i;m taking one positive from it - it means i can have a drink ( or two or three ) over Christmas! Hello $3.99 bottles of Muscato!

A Different Christmas Perspective

2011-12-15T12:11:00.000-08:00

It was Christmas – full of tinsel, and baubles and fake-bearded Santas. It is, of course, also a time full of other, more grown up concerns but when your 5 years old the sparkle and the whispered wishes for presents is all that you notice. You dont notice the petty arguments about whose family you’ll be spending Christmas lunch with, nor do you notice the bank account rapidly emptying as those sought after presents are paid for and hidden away in the back of the wardrobe. You only see the happy, pretty, most-wonderful-time-of-the-year things.

However, even though your 5 years old, its hard not to see the panic in your fathers face, or to not recognise it your mothers voice. You cant understand why they’ve left you and your brother at Nanny’s, and they’ve sped off down the street with your other brother strapped tightly into the back seat of the car. Its worse when they dont come back by dinner, and Nanny gets off the phone to tell you “ You’re a lucky duck – you get to have a sleep over! “ It upsets you, partly because Mummy and Daddy and Eli havent come back yet, but also – how is Santa going to find you if you arent in your own bed? Where will he leave the presents? For you, and 4 year old Josh, and for Eli? You arent to know that Eli wont be getting any presents this year, nor any other year after that, and that Christmas, though it will always be full of tinsel and baubles and fake-bearded Santas, will now always be tinged with sadness.

You dont know all that when your 5 years old – ignorance, as its said, is such bliss. But naive as 5 year olds are, its hard to be ignorant when your parents come home without your baby brother, and the only thing in abundance that Christmas is hot, silent, tears....

Great Google-y Gaga! ( Or 7 Reasons Why I Hate Lady Gaga )

2011-12-14T00:13:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while , as a blogger, you get curious as to what your stats are, and you feel the need to go and check them out ( although i'm never checking Klout again - Klout makes me sad ). I also feel the need to reminisce every now and then, to take a walk down the bloggy memory lane - to read old posts and comments, and ponder whether anything much has changed since then. And when i get that urge to re-read my old stuff the first post i go to is this one...

For those of you who have been here long enough to remember ( or for those of you too lazy to check the linky... ) i am, of course, talking about the infamous Lady Gaga post of August 2009. The one in which i (tongue-in-cheek-edly ) listed my grievances with the great Lady.... which in turn earned me a crapload of comments. But not the good kind. No, no, the majority of these are the " you stupid bitchface wanker mole ! " kind of comments, the ones most often found spewing forth from the fingers of the seemingly infinite amount of keyboard warriors lurking on the Inter-Webs.

So, seeing as that particular post got such rave reviews ( raving mad maybe... ) why do i feel the need to check it now and again? Because it STILL GETS COMMENTS! I wrote the damn thing over two years ago and its still attracting new readers and a new breed of passionate Gaga geeks. As of last night, the comment count is up to 207. So, to all you crazy Gaga lovers who continue to want my blood, please find this new list for your to stew over:

1. There is no list! I dont hate her - in fact, i'll admit to some of the releases off her new album being quite the funky jam. She still doesnt wear pants but she no longer carries around the stupid tea cup, so there's that. However, what i do hate is ridiculously over passionate celebrity-loving trolls who have nothing better to do than sit behind their computer screens and take every humorous jibe personally. So feel free to continue to comment on the old post - i will get there to read it eventually, and when i have I ( and everybody else ) can sit back and have a laugh at how ridiculously uptight you are.

Thanks for making me smile nutjobs!

Taking It - And Leaving It

2011-12-12T01:18:00.000-08:00

We're coming to the pointy end of the year where, aside from all the organisation and chaos of Christmas, we start to ponder what direction we'd like our lives to take in the New Year. What changes we need to make, what roads we need to follow, and what things need to be crossed off our lists. And this time around i'm thinking its not necessarily things that need to be crossed off my list, but people.

Sooooooooooo toxic...

Since " breaking up " with my best friend last year, i've had a lot of thinking to do on the subject of platonic relationships, on the types of people we need to surround us. And after the little mothers group Christmas party we attended yesterday, i've come to the realisation that as much as i wanted great friendships to develop for me within this particular group, they really havent ( aside from one - i'm so happy to have found a great friend for myself, and a great playmate for Flynn ). And i've also realised that if those friendships dont really exist, that if the relationship between myself and another person or people is even kind of toxic.... well, there is no point in continuing with it, is there? There is no point in keeping people around for their numbers, for being able to say " I have this many friends! ", if they arent the kind of friends that make you feel good about yourself, about your life, and your place in the world.

Without going into details, lets just say i felt totally gutted by the whole situation yesterday afternoon. We had our little do in the morning, at which i felt isolated, left out of the clique that seems to have sprung up between other mums , and frusturated that certain kinds behaviour is allowed from some children when i expect better of my own child ( yes, THAT old chestnut ). By mid afternoon i felt a huge knot of frusturation/anger/disappointment/resentment in the pit of my stomach and i hated that. I hated that i felt that way.

And then.... i realised i dont HAVE to feel like that. I can take myself out of the situations that constantly disappoint me, i can cut the interaction with those people down to the absolute bare minimum. I can enrich my life, not through the number of friendships i had hoped to gain, but by not subjecting myself to the toxic "friendships " that i ended up with. I can put my energy ( and my heart ) into the relationships i already have, i can i take the opportunities for new friendship when they come to me, instead of willing for them to happen in the wrong places, with the wrong people. And i can feel contented and enriched by what i do have, and use that to fuel further happiness in my life.

What about you? Do you feel the same compulsion as I did to say you've got a huge number of friends, or have you realised that its quality rather than quantity?

Just A Bit Distracted

2011-12-11T01:16:00.000-08:00

Sorry - i know i've been missing in action for a few days but don't fret.... i havent fallen off the face of the planet or anything. No, no, i've just been a bit busy reading a good book or two ( you know, as compared to the tonnes of good blogs i read on a daily basis ). See i finished this on Thursday:

Let me tell you - it was a page turner, one of those bookes you only put down because you know you have to work tomorrow and you cant afford to stay up the whole night reading. Which only means one thing - i started its sequel on Friday:

And i'm about a quarter of the way through. Truth be told as soon as i've published this post the computer is being tossed aside so i can continue reading. I'm probably really late to the Phillipa Gregory bandwagon ( i'd heard so many great reviews for these books, but had never gotten around to picking them up ) but now that i'm on it, i'm going to regret it when i get to the last page....

Have you read the " Cousin's War " series? Or can you recommend anything to me that has kept you particularly engrossed?

A Quick One

2011-12-08T02:09:00.000-08:00

Alright - so i'm a bit tired and i've decided to be a bit lazy, just for tonight. I'm going to make this a quick one. See i came across this picture a few days ago and i just wanted to ask you guys:

Is this where the Biebs is headed?
Because before seeing this i thought he was fated to go down the road of " androgynous boy singer who ends up looking like a vaguely pretty woman "....

A New Chapter

2011-12-06T00:55:00.000-08:00

A month or two, amidst all posts about my upcoming wedding, i wrote that Mick and I were hoping for a few positive outcomes in regards to some future plans we were laying. We needed a big " yes ".... and i'm happy to say that we got it. That is, we got a big "yes " to a business loan and, from January, we will be the proud new owners of a small business.

We've been amazingly lucky with out opportunity - Mick's current employers had been looking to sell for a while and were having no luck. After a bit of thinking - and knowing that we are a young family looking for a break - they generously proposed that they loan us two-thirds of the cost of buying a part of their business, as long as we could get the rest of the money from the bank. That is, they would lend us their OWN money ( which we will pay back at a reduced rate of compund interest ) because, as they put it, they love Michael like one of their own family, they believe in him, and they wanted to give us an opportunity to provide a better life for our family.

I was gobsmacked at their generosity, and we hoped against hope that we would be able to secure some finance from the bank..... and we did! We are still working out a bit of the logistics but basically, as of January, we will own our own courier business: Mick will be doing pick ups and deliveries to a town about 2 hrs drive away, 5 days a week, and i will do the book keeping and general paperwork of an evening, after i finish at my own job.

We're not stupid - we KNOW it will be a hard slog for the first 6-12 months. My responsibiliities to our business will be on top of my other job, and as Mick will be our only driver he wont be able to take any sick leave or holidays. There are the small ins and outs of a business that we will have to learn, and ways of doing things that work for us. But, in the long run, we know that owning our business is going to afford our family some amazing opportunities, and a more comfortable lifestyle than we can provide now.

It is still a month away, but there is so much we have to organise and begin learning before then. However, i know we are both looking forward to the challenges that will be thrown at us in the next few months - wish us luck!

(Everybody Needs) Good Neighbours

2011-12-05T00:14:00.000-08:00

You often hear the "older " generation say that they remember the days where you talked to your neighbours, where you would hang over the fence and have a chat with the people next door, and you didnt hesitate in trusting them to bring in your mail/feed your dog/water your lawn when you went away. Sadly, these days it seems like a lot of people dont even know what they're neighbours look like, let alone know them enough to stop and chat. You might give each other a small wave as you drive past on your way in and out of the street, but thats about it. But, ladies and gentleman, there is a reason we shouldnt trust our neighbours anymore:

Because they might invite you over for a bbq, be great hosts who supply your very thirsty husband with beer after beer and then..... SHAVE HIS HEAD.

What in the fork has he done to his head?!

Oh yes - the horror. Our ~~previously very wonderful~~ neighbours invited us to a bbq on Saturday night, which we had to decline as we were already going out for dinner. No worries,they said- if you feel like it, pop over when you get home. It was 9pm by the time we got back from dinner and Flynn needed to go to bed, so Mick went over by himself, promising he'd be home by midnight.

4:30am he stumbles in and climbs into bed. Because our neighbours still had their back patio lights on there was a little extra light filtering into our room and I thought there was something a little odd about Mick's shadow. I flick on the bedside lamp ... and there he is, head completely shaved save for a 2x8cm mohawk-like patch in the middle. All i could manage in my bleary-eyed state was " You look f**king ridiculous ", before i rolled back over and went back to sleep.

Now this is one close cropped head i'd like to get close to...

As i said to Mick a bit later that morning at a more appropriate wake up time - he's lucky i love him because, man, did he look stupid. I told him he could leave the fluffy mohawk for the rest of the weekend but convinced him there was no way in the world he was going to work looking like that. He's now sporting a fully shaved head, a stupid grin and a proportionately bigger-looking set of ears, whilst my neighbour will never be trusted with my husband again.

( Except if we're invited to their annual New Years bbq, which we will be at with bells on! )

Little Parrots

2011-12-02T00:55:00.000-08:00

The mothers out there will understand me when i say that small children make for very good parrots - that is, they have this amazing habit of hearing, and repeating, everything you say ( unless of course what you're saying is " Please pick up your pencils " or " Stop touching the Christmas tree! " ).

Image from here

Flynn is a pretty good talker at the best of times, and though i really love being able to have little conversations with him or being able to understand what he wants, i do wish he'd stop copying all the "naughty " words his Dad is fond of saying. Not that we swear badly around him often - though both of us have had the odd slip up here and there - but Mick is, being a typical country boy, a user of a lot of Australian colloquialisms.... some of which aren't all that appropriate for a 2 yr old. Like, for example, the way many Australians use insults as a term of endearment, especially amonsgt blokes.

So when Flynn pipes up during a playdate yesterday " Daddy say i a bum-hole. Flynn a little bum-hole! " I was kind of mortified, even though amonsgt two grown up men i wouldnt bat an eyelid. Luckily all the other mum could do is laugh at my embarrassment, and tell her daughter ( who is a day older than Flynn ) to shut her ears...

Or at dinner last night when i gave Flynn a prawn to try - he took one little nibble and chucked it back on his plate in disgust, saying " This f**king stupid! ". Umm - no. Just - no. Both of us were a little taken aback at that one and told him f**king is a naughty word and that you can just say the prawn is yucky if you dont want it. Now, we arent in the habit of calling food " f**king stupid " but i'm guessing some little ears may have been listening to Daddy working ( or trying to anyway ) in the garage...

Flynn has also been known to tell people:
" Get off bloody grass! "
" Get away my daughter! " ( Which Poppy said in jest at our recent wedding.... ) and
" Cheers Big Ears! "
Hey, at least the last one gets an appropriate laugh....

Polly Dolly - In (The) Navy

2011-11-30T18:40:00.001-08:00

Thirsday has rolled around again, which means its Polly Dolly time! ( As brough to you by the ever gorgeous Dani over at Danimezza ). This week, Dani must be feeling a little "blue " because she wants to see how Polly wears....

Polly has gone a little retro and matched this cute, striped, 50's style dress with red polka dot wedges. Cats eye sunglasses keep with the retro styling and the gold locket keeps the stripes/dots combo the focus. A bit of red lipgloss, neautral eyes behind the sunnies and layers of her favourite "day" fragrance and Polly is ready for her day!
How would you do navy stripes?

Happy Birthday!

2011-11-29T20:50:00.000-08:00

....to my very handsome, kind of crazy, but insanely loveable husband Mick!

Unfortunately its a weekday which means he has to work, but i'm looking forward to having him home tonight and sharing birthday dinner and dessert with him. I'm doing a pork and pear tray bake ( pork rashers and pears in a maple syrup marinade, oven baked ) and a dessert i'm calling a Layered Dessert Brownie ( chopped up brownies layered in a tall glass with raspberries, homemade custard , chocolate sauce and coconut ). There is no birthday cake because, again unfortunately, poor Mick has to work later than normal on his birthday, so we are inviting the family around on Sunday morning to do a belated birthday celebration.

I was also hoping to suprise both my boys by putting up our Christmas tree while Flynn had his nap this afternoon - however, after going out to the shed (in the rain! ) to bring all the Christmas stuff back inside i discovered we are missing half our tree! Methinks my ~~stupid~~ wonderful husband may have accidentally thrown some of it out when he did a clean up earlier this year... bah humbug to that!

Ah well - hopefully my hubby is enjoying his birthday at work as much as he can, and i can do the tree tomorrow while Flynn sleeps. After all, its bad luck to put it up before December 1st anyway, isnt it?

How Much? This Much....

2011-11-29T01:03:00.000-08:00

I posted a few pics last week of Flynn getting his giggle on, playing outside under our sprinkler. That seems to be what Aussie kids do - we're a country of water babies, and our kids love play in, and around, water.

Unfortunately this means there is a lot of drowning risks for our little ones too, especially when they're not being properly supervised. We all know about the dangers of swimming at the beach or in backyard pools, but just 15ml is enough for a small child to drown in. Just " this much ", as we might put it.
"This Much " is an apt name , then, for a new campaign aimed at educating Australians about the risk of childhood drowning. About being vigilant not just when at the pool or beach, but when our kids are in the bath or playing with a bucket under the backyard hose. Being able to hear them is not quite good enough - we need to be watching them too.

You can join the campaign - just like celebrity supporters such as David Wenham, Georgie Gardner and Amanda - by checking out the Facebook page or watch the video below and spread the message:

Mothers Helper

2011-11-28T01:15:00.000-08:00

I read a very interesting article in this months Madison magazine, about mothers using alcohol as a coping mechanism to make it through the day. It seemed, to the author, that there is a growing number of mums who use the reward of a glass of wine at the end of the day as a way to make through the muck and mire that can be day-to-day child-rearing.

Baby's screaming and the toddler is drawing on the walls? Its ok, i can have a wine soon. No-ones done any homework, dinner is nowhere near ready and 3 kids still need to have a bath? No worries, i can crack open a nice red as soon as they're asleep.

I guess what the question the article was posing is a) when did this become the stressed-out mummy norm? and b) is it really acceptable, and where do we draw the line?

I am not a big drinker at all - yes i got myself merrily sloshed at my recent wedding, and shared a bottle of wine with my new husband a few nights on our honeymoon, but before that the most i'd had to drink in over a year was 3 glasses of wine at my hens party. Despite doing the typical teenage thing and getting drunk at the pub of a weekend ( which i gave up pretty early on - kept up the clubbing, but spent my nights dancing with a can of Coke in my hand ), i've never really understood the compulsion to drink. Maybe its because i'm yet to find a bevvie that just really hits the palate so well that i MUST have it, but i dont "get" the need for a wine/beer/Breezer after a long day. Especially when this need becomes not one glass a few nights a week but 3 or 4 glasses EVERY night.

I dont want you to think i'm passing judgment - unless this compulsion becomes full-blown alcoholism i dont see anything wrong with a tipple or two, i just dont "get " it. Kind of the same way my mum doesnt "get " blogging, or my brother doesnt understand my very real and deep love for " That 70's Show ".

Maybe i'm boring, but my preferred form of escapsim after a stressful day of Flynn-related craziness is to relax with a book, to escape into someone elses life for a half hour or so, and forget about the massive tantrum thats just been thrown or how many dirty nappies i've changed that day.

So is it just me - is a drink after the kids bedtime the best way to relax? Is there something i'm missing?

Coming Up Next

2011-11-25T01:31:00.000-08:00

So - you might have heard but if you havent, two of my favourite bloggers are pregnant. The gorgeous Holly from Good Golly Miss Holly! and the beautiful Ames from Tutu Ames are both growing cute little baby-buns in their ovens and i couldnt be happier for them ( its funny how you can feel so happy for people you dont actually "know" ). Hopefully, i'll be next to the join them.

Because, yes - as happy as i am for both these beautiful ladies, i'm also just the teeny, tiniest bit jealous. I wants me another baby, and i want it now! Its no secret, I've mentioned the desire for a second child numerous times here on the blog. Mick and I have been married for 3 weeks tomorrow and , at the risk of being TMI, we started trying the day after the wedding. ( We would have started trying on the wedding night but, truthfully, who has energy left for that kind of thing after the wedding ? ) But....no luck yet.

My fingers are crossed our time will be soon. We've already started talking to Flynn about the possibility of another baby, and though he doesnt really understand, he does tell me " Bruvva mum. Baby bruvva. " Its the cutests thing - i cant wait to see how he'd actually be as a big brother. Fantastic, i'm sure. But, for now, its a wait and see. So whilst i loko forward to hearing all about Holly and Ames adventures in pregnancy, i cant wait to blog again about my own...

Polly Dolly - Drive Me Crazy

2011-11-23T18:39:00.001-08:00

So Thursday - and what have we here? Another Polly Dolly challenge, devised by the gorgeous Dani over at Danimezza. This week, after road testing a new Volvo for the week, Dani has gone a bit car crazy, and wants to know what Polly would wear when she's off for a....

Polly is off for a romantic drive with her new husband ( wink, wink, nudge, nudge! ) and she's doing it 70's style. I'm a bit obsessed with leopard print at the moment so i've given her a 70's style maxi dress in a not-too-overwhelming leopard print, and paired with some wedges and a gorgeous pair of over-sized sunnies. A scarf is necessary to stop her hair blowing in the wind whilst they zip along in their (rented, of course... ) luxury convertible, as is the sunscreen. Sunburn is so not chic!

Bring On The Sun!

2011-11-23T00:00:00.000-08:00

So the lovely Suger did a post a few days ago about how much she was enjoying the slow ride into summer, and about how when she left Sydney for Queensland she took the sun and the warmth with her. Well, Miss Suger - i want it back!

You cant do this in the cold...

Its only been four days but i am tired of the rain and am longing for the sun we had last week. I want to go the park with my mothers group and let our littlies run around in the sunshine, instead of having to take them to the indoor playground again. I want go be able to wear one of the cute dresses i bought on our honeymoon instead of having to rug up in one of Mick's big hoodies ( yep, it was that chilly today! ). And Flynn has been saying " Outside Mum. I want sprinkler! " for the last four days straight - he's not even 2 yet and already he has the "bug ", that seemingl Aussie knack to be outside and preferably with water during the warmer months.

.... or this! Bring back summer!

So, Suger and/or whoever else may be responsible for taking the sunshine and the warmth and replacing it with a very crappy psuedo-winter - give it back! I need my sunshine and i need it now!

By Any Other Name

2011-11-21T00:52:00.000-08:00

I had my first day back at work today after 3 weeks off and do you know what i realised? Holy mackerel there are a lot of places where i'm going to have to change my name! I've already had to email two seperate departments in my organisation and they're happy to change it from my maiden name to married name without a marriage certificate - but for all the other official type stuff ( bank/RTA/Centrelink ) I'll have to wait.

Truth be told, i really dont want to wait, I'm excited about having a new name. Funnily enough , a few of my friends expressed suprise that i was going to change to Micks surname - i've always been a bit of an independent/girl power type of woman ( to the point where i told Mick if he was ever going to propose he was NOT to ask my father for permission - i'm not an object to be handed off ! ) and they had assumed i would just keep my own name. But, despite my firm belief in having my own identity as a woman, i'd never even thought about NOT changing my name. Why? Changing my name, to me, is another symbol of our unity as a couple. I'm not saying you cant be united with different surnames - if that works for you then great - but for me i couldnt wait to be " Mrs Amy F ", wife of Mick F and, equally importantly .... mother to Flynn F.

I know that there are lots of mums out there who have different names to their offspring - i mean, so did i for the first 22 months of Flynn's life - but changing my name feels like making our little family unit really complete. Not complete in the sense that we wont be adding to it ( fingers crossed! ) but complete in that we're all one and the same now, all bound together for everyone to see.

Sure i may not be overly fussed to share the same name as my FIL ( hell, thats a whole other post .... ) but i'm Mick's wife and i'm Flynn's mum and i'm happy and proud for everyone to so obviously know it!

Polly Dolly - Purple Princess AND Gym Junkie

2011-11-16T23:51:00.001-08:00

So - i think we all know that Thursdays around here mean my participation in Polly Dolly, the most awesome fashion challenge ever ( as set every week by the gorgeous Dani, from Danimezza ). This week, however, there is double the challenge because Dani did a Polly Dolly post on Tuesday aswell as today. So - challenge #1: Dani would like to know how we'd dress Miss Polly in the colour....

I absolutely fell in love with this gorgeous feathered mini! I kept everything else pared down, so the outfit didnt get too overwhelming - a fitted white blouse, purple heels, a sweet Marc Jacobs necklace and colour-matched clutch. Pair a sleek high bun, a soft mauve eye and a spritz of my favourite nighttime fragrance and Polly makes a beautiful purple princess...

Which brings us to challenge #2: after a big night out in her gorgeous purple mini, what would Polly wear to hit the...

If she were anything like me when i was a gym junkie ( i was a 6 days a week girl, but when i got pregnant i had to stop going because i couldnt afford the membership. I miss it! ) she'd wear 3/4 length yoga pants, an exercise tank for ease of movement and a good sports bra. Water and tunes are essential for the treadmill, and her onw yoga mat so she cool down in comfort ( or hit yoga class after her run ). A Powerade to restore the electrolytes and then Polly is ready to hit the showers!

Best.Wedding.Ever.

2011-11-16T01:10:00.000-08:00

So...Saturday the 5th of November... best.day.ever. In the history of days. Yes, i'm happy to say that my wedding went off without a hitch ( ok, the only thing that went even close to wrong is that my guestbook wasnt ready on time, so we didnt have it at the reception. Absolutely not a problem, in the scheme of things... ) and despite my usual ability to put so much expectation on an event that i end up disappointed... i wasnt. I loved it! All of it - the hair and the makeup pampering, the ceremony, the photos and the reception was the best party i've been to in forever.

And i can say with complete honesty, i wasnt nervous. My photography, who is a goood friend of mine, asked halfway through the day if i was starting to get nervous and i said " No, i dont feel nervous, and you know why? Because everything just feels so right. " Hell, even my hair stylist said i was the most relaxed, upbeat, no stress bride she's ever seen and joked that she should invite me back whenever she has to deal with a bridezilla, just so they can see how it is possible to NOT turn into a monster on your wedding day!

I loved every aspect to my day - my hair was absolutely the way i had hoped it would look ( hot rolled into loose curls and then pinned low and to the side a little to make like a messy, romantic bun type thing ); my makeup, which i wasnt totally in love with at the trial, totally came together when we changed the colour of lippie and i felt gooooooooooorgeous; my dress fit perfectly and my shoes were comfy; the ceremony was sweet and romantic and it was ok that i broke into a giggle when i stumbled on the words a bit; the photo session was fun and casual enough that i felt i could be natural and not all posed and fake; and, like i said, the reception totally rocked!

Just for those who were curious ( if any ), we didnt exactly script our own vows. What i did do, however, is read through a lot of examples and take out what i loved from each of them, and cobbled them into one set of vows that would work for us. Which, if your interested, ended up as this:

I call upon the persons here present

to witness that I, Amy take you, Michael
to be my lawful wedded husband.
Michael – all that i am, and all that i have,
i offer to you, in love and in joy.
I promise to be there when you need me,
to fill your days with sunshine,
to comfort you and to encourage you,
and to hold you close to my heart,
long enough to last a lifetime.

We had a cocktail style reception and, i'm glad to say, we didnt run out of food! In fact, we had a tonne left over that we were too full to eat ( but i'd rather have too much than not enough ) plus our wedding cake ( which i looooooooooved! ) and our guests only used up half the bar tab we had allowed, so everyone left satisfied. And, despite the tradition being the bride and groom leave first, Mick and i ended up being the last to leave, just before midnight, because we were having such a good time!

Of course, there will be more wedding photos at some point when theyre done, and maybe a honeymoon rundown, but for now, the only other thing i can say is - best.damn.wedding.EVER!

Introducing The New Mrs F!

2011-11-14T19:25:00.000-08:00

Which, of course would be me... i'm back ladies and gentleman, as a married lady and (almost) with a new name. I know i havent posted for a bit over a week but, of course, after the actual wedding day Mick and i flitted off our honeymoon to the Gold Coast, living Flynn at home with Grandma and Poppy.

I will post in more detail shortly, but for now, i thought it might be nice to make my blogging comeback with a brief hello and a sneak peek of our wedding photos ( if your friends with me on Facebook you can see a few more that our photographer has posted ). So for now, i'll head off to fold some more clean washing, you can check out the few littlew piccies and i'll promise a more in depth post tomorrow!

(This one is one of my favourites that i've seen thus far... )

Polly Dolly - Rock'n'Stroller

2011-11-02T19:12:00.001-07:00

Why hello there Thursday - and hi there Polly Dolly! Brought to you by the gorgeous Dani at Danimezza this week is my last Polly Dolly as an unmarried woman ( 2 sleeps to go! ) and Dani would like to know how Polly styles herself when she's out and about with a...

Now, my Flynn is at the point where he thinks he's too big for a stroller - he hates being in there, so more often than not he walks into the shops with me and then he gets popped in a shopping trolley. However, this is what i would wear if we were out and strolling about - i've gone with a maxi skirt ( i have one very similar only mine is khaki and black stripes... ) and plain tank, and some cute sandals for comfort. A necklace jazzes up the simplicity of the tank, and the sunnies keep me sunsafe. A touch of make up, pack everything else in a cute nappy bag, chuck that in the bottom of the stroller and baby and me are ready to roll! Umm...er...stroll!

The Final Hurdle

2011-11-01T01:37:00.000-07:00

Good.Bloody.Gravy.

I've had no trouble organising and planning my wedding over the last 9-ish months and now, with only 4 sleeps to go, we've got a potential problem in getting the money for our bar tab organised before Saturday. Four.Sleeps.People. Four sleeps - and it looks like i'm going to lose at least one of them worrying whether things will work out.

To the selfish, lazy, lying butthole ( who will not be named but you can figure it out if you know anything about wedding tradition and bar tabs... ) - pull your bloody finger out, stop making crap up because we dont bloody believe you, and try not let me or Mick down again. I said "try" but i dont think you'll be able to follow through on that one ( you know, as per usual ).

Otherwise you WILL be dealing with one stroppy bride come Saturday evening!

So In Love Its Vomit-Worthy...

2011-10-28T17:04:00.000-07:00

With only one week left til my wedding i just wanted to give you guys a little sneaky peek.... not at my dress or anything like that, but at a few photos we had taken last weekend, which will be edited and turned into a guestbook for the reception.

The photographer, a very good friend of mine, said " You guys are so cute, and in love.... it makes me sick! ". Judge for yourselves....

And of me on my ownesome, looking all sultry with my gorgeous booty!

*All images courtesy of SpeakingOneThousandWords Photography, Dubbo, NSW. Please search her on Facebook and like her page because she is all kinds of awesome sauce!

List? Check!

2011-10-28T02:17:00.000-07:00

I'm considering becoming a list person.

You know the ones - those highly organised people who make " to do " lists, and then manage to get everything on that list finished? I want to be one of those. If it means i can keep my house tidier and the general unavoidable toddler chaos more confined, then i'm willing to give it a shot.

My list will be a little more boring than this one...

I did try it once, when i was still a young singleton living on my own. I wrote down all the little jobs i wanted to get done that week ( i may even have broken it up into days, which is slightly more anal than it needs to be... ) and then i ticked them off as i got them done. It worked - having it all spelt in black and white on the front of the fridge helped keep me on track. I felt a sense of accomplishment when it was all ticked off, even if it wasn't anything groundbreaking. It was just standard stuff like " Fold clean washing ", " Vacuum carpet ", " Tidy Tupperware cupboard "... but it meant that my house was neater and tidier and, for me, a happier place to be.

So what say you? Are you a list person? I'm considering starting next week and doing one especially for Monday through Friday , so i can get myself and the house ready before the wedding, and so i dont forget to pack all the important stuff to take on the honeymoon!

Polly Dolly - Arty Expression

2011-10-27T00:52:00.001-07:00

Thursday has come round again - and quickly, i might add! - which means time again for another Polly Dolly challenge ( as brought to you by the lovely Dani from Danimezza ). This week has been a little tricky for me... i really had no idea where to even start when Dani asked to see what Polly wears when she's being an....

Usually i have some idea of how i want a Polly Dolly set to look, or at least one particular piece i'd like to start with, and build on. Today? I had nothing! So i decided to go with what i would like to wear if i had more of an "arty " kind of job or lifestyle. So i went with a loose fitting grey dress and added some splashes of red ( my favourite colour, and the one that makes me feel the most confident ). Add some unusual bracelets and a statement ring, and some soft eyes with long lashes. I'd keep a journal and some pencils in my bag at all times so i can write down that poem or sketch out an idea whenever the mood strikes. Still not sure its a typically "arty" outfit but there it is!

Sharing Or Comparing?

2011-10-25T02:03:00.000-07:00

When should a mum NOT feel proud of her child? When should she keep her mouth closed and not share her childs achievements, for fear of offending other mothers? Is it all in the way we say things, and not so much in what we're actually saying? And should i feel that horrible " mothers guilt " not for the way i parent my child, but the way my childs development makes other mothers feel?

These are all hypotheticals of course - i dont think i've actually said or done anything thats made another mum feel horrible ( at least, not intentionally ). I only ask because i wanted to leave a comment on another blog this morning, but i hesitated before my fingers hit the keyboard. See, this post was in regards to a beauitiful little childs development, all the things they were learning and milestones they had hit and, as another mum, i wanted say " job well done! " and share my experiences. After all, isnt that how conversation starts?

Learning to stop and say " cheese " when he sees a camera. Yep - i'm so proud! ( Even if it is when he's totally naked, running around Poppys backyard ... )

But then i paused - if i mentioned how Flynn was doing, was that me trying to compare our children? Would this other mum take that as me saying " Anything you can do, i can do better ". But then i though i wouldnt feel this way, i wouldnt hesitate, if i was saying " good job - Flynn isnt up to that yet ". No, i was only feeling that mother guilt because, in comparison, Flynn is a little further along the developmental path in one particular area than the other child.

So - should i feel bad that i left that comment? Should i only be proud of my son when his success isnt quite as good as someone else's, so i cant be accused of gloating ? ( Not that anyone has accused me of that, this all in my head thus far... ). Or should we just keep our traps shut when our children do something well, and only mention what we think will make others feel good? And how do we navigate the mothering landscape, learning and sharing and developing, without doing our bloody heads in worrying about what other mums are thinking of us?

Time To Get Back Up On The Wagon

2011-10-24T02:47:00.000-07:00

With only 12 days left til my wedding, i've succumbed to my own pressure and gone on another health kick. After having lost 10 kgs earlier this year ( in a pre-wedding blitz ) i know i've lost my way a bit. I'm not eating all the vegies that i know i should be, and i definately didnt drink enough water during the last few months ( although, to be fair, winter and the lack of hot, thirsty days will do that ). For the past 8 and a bit months i've managed to stay within a kilo or two of my goal weight ( the goal i reached after losing those 10 kilos ), and i'm still within that range. Its just that i've noticed the increase in sugar and carbs ( oh how i love thee toast! ) and i need to nip it in the bud.

Pic from here

So - i'm deciding to try and get back on a better health track. Like right now - right.this.very.second - amd fighting the urge to leave my desk, go into the supermarket and buy myself a packet of Maltesers. My body is screaming " Fill me with choc-malty goodness! " but my brain is trying to beat that impulse off with a stick. For one thing, i've only just finished my lunch* , and for another i know that about half an hr after i've eaten the Maltesers i'll be absolutely fanging for more. So i'm just gulping down the water instead, and pretending that chocolate just doesnt exist.

And this time, its not just going to be vanity motivating me either. This time i'm staying on track and maintaining a healthy weight for the good of the unborn baby i hope to be pregnant with shortly. Its no secret that we'd like to expand our family ( in fact, we're hoping to fall pregnant on our honeymoon ... ) and i know that eating a balanced diet and maintaining a healthy body weight before, during AND after the pregnancy will be best for me, future bub, and the rest of my little family...

* Ok, so clearly i didnt just write this - i wrote it at work and emailed it home to myself. Just another way i like to waste time at work....

Polly Dolly - Beautiful Bridesmaid

2011-10-19T17:26:00.001-07:00

So after all the intimate mental health talk around here this week, its time for another Polly Dolly! ( Thanks to the very talented Dani over at Danimezza ). This weeks challenge is pretty fun for me especially - Dani would like to see how we would dress our...

And as regular readers of this blog would know i'm getting married soon - in 16 days as a matter of fact! My younger sister will be my bridesmaid ( i'm only having one, and Mick is having just a best man ). I love my younger sister but she isnt much into fashion, so IRL her dress is a very simple, timeless style that she is comfortable wearing.

However, if i could dress her in something different - and without a budget! - i'd go with this gorgeous blue dress ( its the same colour as what she is wearing IRL ) and some sparkly sky high heels. Some simple jewellery so she doesnt outshine the bride, and a clutch that matches the shoes. Emergency tissues, bobby pins and safety ins are a must. A yellow bouquet in keeping with my colour theme ( and our bouquets IRL will have yellow calla lillies... ) and some bubbles for after the ceremony and we're all set!

No More Stigma - A Mental Health Post, Part 3

2011-10-19T01:46:00.000-07:00

See, i kind of, sort of, might have thought i was in love with someone ( In retrospect, now that i have Mick and we have Flynn, i know that it wasn’t ... ). I let myself feel all those happy feelings i hadn’t had, convinced myself that maybe i had found something great, finally. When i told the object of my affection how i felt, he told me he didn’t feel the same way. He thought i was a great girl, and a great friend, but nothing more.

It sent me into a tailspin – and started my second major bout with depression. Within only a few months i was back to the self loathing, the wondering why i wasn’t good enough and thinking i never would be.. Recognising what it was this time i went back to a GP, did the whole mental health questionnaire again, and got a referral to a local psychologist.

Opening up was easier this time – i’d been there, done that. It wasn’t so scary, or so taboo. What was scary was the prospect of what he was asking me to do... to get out in the world, alone. As much as i was used to being alone, being alone at home and hitting the pub on my own were two totally different things. We both agreed that my major problem this time was not so much self confidence, but loneliness – and the only way to alleviate loneliness was to find new friends. Easier said than done, right?

Making friends in Cambodia ( i'm 3rd from right, bottom row )

I decided that there was nothing to be done but give it a shot. With the help of anti-depressants ( again ) i started small – i spoke to people at the gym instead of just a nod and a smile; i went out to the movies or to lunch with my sister, just to get out of the house; i went on a trip to SE Asia and made friends amongst strangers; and strangest, and maybe bravest of all, i started internet dating.

My friends and family thought it was a bit weird, or maybe a crazy/desperate move, but little by little i got my confidence back. I had a few good dates, a few ok dates, and one particular date with the most condescending, materialistic, arrogant man i may have ever met ( blergh! ) I went on an ok date with an ok guy that i just didn’t click with, and then found out he thought i was the bees knees when he sent a friend to my place of work to talk to me a few months later ( kind of creepy.. ).

And then – i met Mick. Online. On a dating website. Our first date, a casual lunch at the pub, went for 5 hrs. We saw each other next day, and a few days after that. And the rest is history! Or, for the short version: dating, pregnant, engaged, baby, family, and getting married in 17 days! I’m blissfully happy, and despite a brief blip when Flynn was 6-8 months old ( which could have seen the onset of another episode but, thanks to intervention, didn’t ) i’ve been “well “ for over 3 years now.

And i hope to stay “ well “ for a long time to come. But i know that that isn’t a given – i have to consciously be aware of my negative emotions when i feel them, and work to keep them in check. And i feel that part of that work is also to tell my story – maybe not to just blurt it out to everyone i meet, but be open and honest when the occasion calls for it. Mental Health Month is one of those occasions. And on this occasion i’m asking you to share to – whether you can share a story, or show support for those who need it...

No More Stigma - A Mental Health Month Post, Part 2

2011-10-18T01:42:00.000-07:00

This is part 2 of my journey through mental illness. If you missed part 1, please go here and then come back!
I went to my dad first. I was terrified that he would think i was being melodramatic or that i was a complete nutcase but he sat, and he listened, and he said maybe i should go and ask a GP. I made an appointment and i did the little checklist survey that the GP's make you do and then i was referred to a free counselling service within the medical centre.

As i was working on the one day that the free counselling service ran i decided to chuck a sickie the day of my first counselling session. At this stage, even though the GP said it was most probably depression, i still didnt really know what was going on, so i was cacking my pants at the thought of telling my employer ( or anyone for that matter ) that i was mentally ill. So i fudged the day off work and went off to see the counsellor. Even though i was nervous i felt immediately comfortable with her - she had this crazy, kicky, curly hair and she asked me questions without making me feel like i was going mad. Basic stuff like why i had been referred on, and how had i been feeling, and what happened when i felt that way. She set me some homework ( cognitive behaviour therapy she called it ) and our appointments became a weekly thing. I still majorly struggled but being able to offload in a secure environment once a week helped.

I was referred to see a visiting pyschiatrist when he came from Sydney every 2 or 3 months. He was a little intimidating and i think i clammed up a little more with him than i did with my counsellor. Regardless, he prescribed anti-depressants ( Levlen, from memory, an SSRI ) to be taken once daily, and continued weekly counselling sessions.

Little by little things became less heavy - my way of thinking started to change, and the fog started to lift. After about a year i discontinued the counselling sessions and started tapering off the meds. I started going out a little more when my friends were home from uni... and found that i actually enjoyed it. My motivation for actually " doing " something with my life started to return and, eventually, i had enough confidence to apply to be an au pair.

Me, in the orange, and some au pair friends at Six Flags theme park in Jackson NJ

I was accepted by a wonderful family in the USA. I spent a year living with them in New Jersey, making friends amongst the other international au pairs, hanging out in New York City on the weekends. I did a weekend trip to Florida to Disneyworld by myself. I took my two week paid holiday in Peru and did something i'd always dreamed of ( trekked four days through the Andes to Machu Picchu ). I even became the " go to girl " for new au pairs, the one the co-ordinator called to take new girls out for coffee, introduce her to the area and the other au pairs. Me, the previously socially anxious outcast!

I returned home in November 2005. For a while i was on a super high - i was back with my friends and family, i found a job and bought my own car. I took road trips to visit my (ex)best friend and went out every weekend with one of my other friends when she moved back to town. I joined the gym and went 5 days a week, relishing the natural high - and natural anti-depressive measure - that it gave me. I looked into becoming a yoga instructor ( but couldnt afford the training at the time ). I became a fan of a few of the early social networking sites like Bolt and Bebo ( ha! ). I made a few online friends, one of whom encouraged me to start blogging. I found it a great way to get my thoughts and feelings - good and bad - out of my system, making sure nothing got bottled up and stuck on the inside. My confidence was at an all time high.

And then - emotions that i'd never previously let myself feel betrayed me....
*Part 3 to be posted tomorrow...

No More Stigma - A Mental Health Month Post, Part 1

2011-10-17T01:31:00.000-07:00

So as you may be aware, October is Mental Health Awareness Month here in Australia. There has been alot of talk about it here on the blogosphere, lots of bloggers taking up the challenge and getting posts out there in regards to mental illness, health services and programmes or just telling there own stories.

And it seems like a lot of people out there have stories to tell. I happen to be one of them.

If you're only fairly new to these parts you wouldnt know it - what with my general sunshiney-ness and lack of doom and gloom - but not so long ago i was in the grip of depression and social anxiety disorder. I like to call myself a " former depressive " but, as some of you know all too well, there is no such thing as a 100% , fool proof, "cure " for depression. The threat of another depressive episode is always there, lingering, that bastard black dog always hanging around, waiting to strike.

It started when i was around 14, that age where you've outgrown your childhood but your not quite sure where you fit as a teenager. Most kids have a period there where they sulk and moan and hate everything. For me, that fog didnt lift. And it wasnt that i hated everything or everyone - what i hated was me. I didnt like anything about me, and constantly worried that no-one else did either. I had a fear of being around new people my age - i was fine in the classroom with the peers that i knew, and the anxiety didnt extend so much to adults. It was just this constant nagging worry of other teens thinking i wasnt cool enough, smart enough, pretty enough, whatever. Take your pick. Whatever it was, it prevented me from being so much as able to open my mouth at parties around kids i didnt know and so, eventually, i just stopped going.

I just stayed home with my family, or sat alone in my room, thinking, pondering, worrying, crying, hating. I listened to lots of music, and wrote heaps of emo poetry. Stuff like this:

XMAS PRESENT
There is never time more lonely
Then time spent alone.
But there is never time more comfortable
Than time spent on my own.
Can't spend time with others
'Cause i spend too much by myself
They think i'm just a drag now
So they leave me on the shelf.

I wasnt officially diagnosed until i was 18, when i'd finished high school and most of my friends had gone off to uni ( which i didnt do. Depression stole all the motivation i had once had to do " something " with my life ). By that time the panic attacks had set in, that horrible creep of anxiety and fear that culminates in heart pounding, sweating, shaking breathlessness that convinces you that you're about to die. It was at this point that i was able to admit something wasnt right, that these physical manifestations of everything that lie beneath the surface well... they just werent normal. Up until then i just had everyone convinced i was the typical sulky teenager - but not even the most emo of the Emo sulky teenagers had panic attacks. ( Not that i knew what they were called at the time ).

So what did i do? Where did i turn?

* Part 2 to be posted tomorrow....

Lovely Lovely Lipstick

2011-10-14T02:17:00.000-07:00

Do you know the theory behind the term " lipstick economy " ? The one about women buying lipstick even when economic times are hard because lipstick is that little luxury that will perk up a womans spirit? Well i've never understood that .... until now.

I've always thought " Lipstick? Whats so crash hot about lipstick? Whats that going to do for my mood ? " - however, in the quest for perfect romantic wedding lips i've found it. THE lipstick - the one that all glamorous women seem to have, that lifts their complexion and brightens their eyes and makes them feel like a million bucks. And mine is called " Beyong Blushing " by L'oreal*.

Its a soft pink and i think i may be in love with it. I've never been a lipstick girl - i've always loved eye makeup so much more - but maybe because i'd never been shown the right colour. Every time i've ever had to wear lipstick for an event ( like as a bridesmaid, or for my school formal ) i've always felts its been too dark and made me look clownish, even if everyone else said it suited me.

But not now. Now i've got a colour that i feel good in, that i feel sexy and romantic and girly wearing. And i'm going to take it to the make-up artist who's doing my wedding make up and get her to give me perfect wedding lips. She has already done my trial make up this past Wednesday so i know i'm going to get gorgeous wedding eyes ( the lips though i wasnt a fan of - which is what prompted the search for the perfect lippie ). With a trial hair appointment this Saturday all i/we have to do now is put it all together on the day!

What about you? Are you a lipstick girl, and have you found your perfect colour?

* This is not a sponsored post. ( I'm not a big enough or special enough blogger to do sponsored posts! )

Polly Dolly - Bike Babe

2011-10-12T22:47:00.001-07:00

Hello again Polly Dolly-ers! Its crazy how quickly Thursday comes around and its time to play virtual paper dolls again, all brough to you by the loveliness that is Dani from Danimezza. This week Dani must be feeling either very active, or very environmentally friendly, because she'd like to see what Polly would wear....

Ignoring the fact that bike helmets are not fashion friendly and therefore not worn by Polly ( at least in this set - i'm sure she'd totally obey the law IRL ) this is what Polly would be wearing. A cute set of navy shorts - not shorty shorts, but not too long either - and a sweet print top to show you can be pretty whilst riding a bike. Converse high top sneakers and a backpack, both for practicality. Sunglasses and sunscreen are both a must for the sunsfae Polly, and lip balm and a bottle of water keep everything hydrated. Throw on this gorgeous bicycle pendant - which could double as a watch! - and Polly is ready for a day of pedal power.

What would your Polly wear riding her bicycle?

Crazy In Love

2011-10-11T02:22:00.000-07:00

Let me pose a question to all my married readers - did you find yourself more in love with your husbands in the few weeks before your wedding?

Pic from here

I ask because for the past fortnight or so i've been so incredibly attracted to my fiance that its distracting. Not just physically attracted either - though mind you he is one gorgeous hunk of man and we've been a little more vigorous *ahem* in the boudoir in the past few weeks than we have for a while - but i find myself wondering what he's doing during the day, wishing we didnt have to go to work just so we could hang together, and almost bursting with love and joy at the way he interacts with his son. And then i watch the way Flynn behaves, the crazy, sweet, knuckle-headed little things he does and the little boy he's turning into and i love his father more because i know his influence is at play.

So it is unusual, this whole "falling deeper " into love thing? Is it just a pre-honeymoon period and all this lovey dovey-ness will wear off by the time we get back from our time away? Did it happen to you?

Hens Party Victim

2011-10-10T02:11:00.000-07:00

..... or so said the badge my SIL made me wear on Saturday night. Why? Because it was my hens party! First up, lets see what a gorgeous, classy hen such as myself wears on her big night:

Dress: Temt $15 Tights: Big W $12 Boots: Rivers $25 Various hens party accessories : cheap

Don't you just love my red veil ( made by my very handy SIL )? It came complete with an L-plate on the back and a sticker declaring " Property of Mick ". My sash said " Bride to Bling " which is why have a huge, fake-ass ring on and a lanyard with sparkles. So once i was dressed to the nines, where did i go?

Me, my mummy and my sister/bridesmaid Erin

We started out at a local tapas bar where i was treated to some gorgeous little tapas ( my favourite was the mushroom and parmesan tart... ) and indulged in a glass or three of sangria. My SIL organised a few games and i was stoked when i answered 10 out of 15 questions correctly about my fiance. ( Although Mick did cheat - when asked what his favourite drink is, he had answered " water ". What a lie - we all know its beer! )

Me and my girlfriends from school, Em and AJ

We then moved along to a few local establishments for a drink and a dare or two. Truth be told, i didnt really complete my entire dare list... i had heaps of " kiss a random blah blah " ones and its hard to get the nerve up to do something like that, unless the place is packed. At least it is for me - i find it easier to be crazy in a crowd where i can blend in. Unfortunately the rest of Dubbo didnt really come to the party... I havent been out for a long time but both the bigger pubs we went to were really, really quite. We did have a little dance but because of the lack of a crowd the vibe just wasnt the same. Boo to you, Dubbo patrons!

J from work, myself and my little sister after a few drinks

But no matter, i enjoyed my night. It may not be as raucous as i remember a Saturday night being a single lady without a child, but it was right for me: good food, big laughs and a night out as " Amy ", not " Mummy ". And what now that the party is over? The official countdown begins to the big day: 26 days to go!

Polly Dolly - Lady In Red

2011-10-05T19:18:00.001-07:00

Thursday has come around again already, and Dani from Danimezza has issued us with another Polly Dolly challenge. This week, we're getting all racy and putting Polly in a....

I dont know about you, but i wear red when i want to be noticed. When i'm feeling all confident and sexy and i want to be looked at, i wear red - and this dress, you wont be able to miss Polly! I've gone for a neutral shoe to give Polly the illusion of super long legs, and relatively nuetral accessories to keep the focus on the gorgeous detailing on the dress. A brown/gold smoky eye and a super sexy red lip and Polly is ready to paint the town... red!

Mind Your Modern Manners

2011-10-04T01:56:00.000-07:00

I know i usually do my ranty posts on a Monday but seeing as its been a long weekend and i am now officially suffering from Tuesdayitis, i reserve the right to have a rant and rave today instead.

See what i want to know is: when did people stop RSVP-ing to things? Because i'm not all that old but i remember being taught that if you want to attend an event you send a reply of " yes " and if you couldnt attend you still sent a reply of " no ". There was none of this dithering about with " maybe " ( thank you Facebook.... ) and it was considered rude to send no reply at all - and even worse, send no reply at all and then actually turn up. I know people are super-insane busy these days but when i'm trying to organise something its usually important that i know how many people are coming.

I know i had a similar whinge to this last week in regards to my school reunion ( which did not go ahead, by the way - i just could not be bothered when i was the only one trying ) but this weekend is my hens party ( yay! ) and out of the 20-odd people i invited, only 5 of them actually rsvp'd to my SIL. OK, granted that a half dozen of the non-replyees are related to me and just gave us a token " we'll be there! " but what is up with the rest of my friends? I love them all but how is my SIL supposed to arrange things when she doesnt know how many people to arrange them for?

Ditto for my wedding - i'm going to arrange the food and bevvies at my reception venue next week and as of today i'm still missing replies. That means i'm going to have chase people up and be all " So are you coming or not ? ", without sounding either too cranky or too desperate. And i cant just assume people aren't coming due to lack of response, because i risk the major faux pas of running out of food and having people hitting up Macca's on their way home from the reception ( actually, scratch that - no doubt Mick will be fanging for a cheeseburger when we leave for the night.... ).

And my rsvp's are tres cute - how could you resist them?

So what about you - is it just me or are people forgetting their manners? Or am I just having a Bridezilla moment and expecting too much?

Staying On Track

2011-10-03T02:08:00.000-07:00

For some reason, long weekends seem to the be the worst weekends for me in terms of eating. What i mean is for some reason i always find myself eating platefuls and platefuls of " crap " on a long weekend - way too many carbs and nowhere near enough vegies. And even as i'm preparing a meal, in my head i'm going " Throw some salad in that sandwich! Cook some vegies to go with that! ". But no - the relaxed vibe of a long weekend somehow permeates my eating attitude aswell and i get lazy. So, over this weekend, i've eaten way too much of this:

And drunk a little too much of this:

And frankly, with a little under 5 weeks til my wedding, i need to be eating right and trying NOT to put on weight. Thankfully, i've managed to stay pretty close to the " goal " weight i reached at the end of Operation Slimdown - i've had a few ups and downs but have managed to stay within a kilo of that 67.5kg.

So from here on out i need to constantly think: " Vegies! Water! Minimum carbs! ". Because not only do i need to look ravishing in my wedding dress but i need to tankini ready for the water parks on the Gold Coast!

Polly Dolly - Denim Diva

2011-09-28T21:26:00.001-07:00

Thursday has rolled around again already which means another Polly Dolly, brought to you by the gorgeous Dani over at Danimezza. This week Dani is wondering how Polly might style a....

So Polly is out to lunch with the ladies in her denim. I've gone with a soft, floaty kaftan-esque top and some pretty nude heels keep Polly's legs looking long. Statement hoop earrings add some bling, and the stacked bangles in a similar print tie everything together. Minimal make up, a spray of Pollys favourite day fragrance and an Iphone to capture all the fun photos and Pollys ready to head out!

A Bad Case Of The "What If"s ....

2011-09-27T03:16:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed that when you have important-future-type stuff on your mind, its impossible to think of anything else? Or maybe thats just me... all i know is i seem to have a very narrow focus when it comes to important stuff. Its pretty much impossible for me to think on the important stuff for a minute, and then just let it go and move on. No no, that would be too easy... no, i have to let it consume my every waking minute. ( Sometimes, when i'm really lucky, i let it filter into my dreams. Have you ever dreamt about wedding flowers? Important.Stuff. )

See its a little under 6 weeks til i get married but its not the actual wedding thats invading my thoughts - its the "what comes after? ". Mick and I have a little ( and secret, for now ) plan going but we still have to see if its possible. Its one of those things where i could daydream hours away about potential outcomes, about all the great things that will happen for us... if it all works out. And that " IF " is the bit that does your head in, isnt it?

Its the not-knowings that really get me. Sure, i'll be nervous on my wedding day but at least i have a pretty good idea of how it will all pan out. Hair, makeup, get dressed, ceremony, photos and reception - sure there is a few spanners that could be thrown in the works, but for the most part i know whats going on. Its the really big things with all the variables, the not having the answers to all the " what if? "s that make me nervous. And nervous i'll have to stay, at least until tomorrow night, when we have a meeting with some people who can give us a straight "yes " or a " no".

Lets cross fingers then and hope for the right answer! ( Which is "yes", in case you were wondering. A big, fat " yes " )

What We Have Here...

2011-09-26T02:40:00.000-07:00

Ok - so i'm getting all ranty again this Monday ( is it just me or do MOST of my ranty posts happen on a Monday? Coincidence? Methinks not ). Aside from feeling like i've been hit by a truck - thanks to a lovely virus Flynn so thoughtfully passed on to me - i'm also feeling a bit stabby over a lack of communication these days. Or maybe its a lack of manners, or both. Which ever it is, its annoying me.

See i've been trying to organise a school reunion for my Yr 12 class, and it was supposed to be this Saturday night. 10 days ago i go into the place where we had organised to hold the function only to be told that they had double booked the room and because the other party had paid a deposit well... they got the room and we got bubkiss. Apparently whoever took the original booking wrote it up in one diary, but not in the other ( why they would have two diaries in the first place is beyond me... ) and when the other party asked to book our specific room, nobody checked the first book. What.A.Bloody.Shemozzle. All this left me in the awkward position of having to decide whether to try and find an alternate venue with only 2 weeks notice (before a long weekend ) or to just postpone the event.

I chose to postpone. To find an alternate venue at such short notice would have been nigh on impossible and, quite frankly, with my wedding only 6 weeks away i just didnt have the time. However - today i get a phone call from the events manager at the function venue asking whether the reunion was still right to go? Umm...no. What? She said she had been speaking to my co-organiser and that she had found room for us in a smaller function space. Which is all well and good - except that she, the events manager, was supposed to have called ME 10 days ago, not my co-organiser and that i hadnt heard a damn thing about this new arrangement from my co-organiser either. In fact, everytime i've needed her for something i havent been able to get a hold of her. Frusturation much?

So i'm now i'm really stuck - do i try and get the word out there over the next 5 days that the reunion is now back on or do i just stick with the postponement? As hard as it would be to get the word out to everyone in such a short a time i kind of think maybe thats the way to go - i know there are a few people coming from interstate who have tickets booked that they cant cancel, so they will be in town anyway, and also it will just get the whole damn mess off my plate and i can just forget about it. It will be super casual - i wont have time to organise and collect " ticket " money to pay for decorations or food, it would be more like a laid back catch up at the pub. But on the other hand what if not many people see it and the official renunion only attracts a dozen people out of the 80 i went to school with? And people that didnt check their Facebook this week dont know about it and feel ripped off that they missed out?

More importantly - how did i let myself get suckered in to organising something i really dont care about in the first place?

She's Back! Polly Dolly Is Back!

2011-09-23T01:59:00.000-07:00

And she's back in a big way! Because the gorgeous Dani over at Danimezza has been undergoing a complete blog overhaul, she's a missed a few weeks worth of Polly Dolly's. However, we're now playing catch ups by doing 3 weeks worth of Polly's on one day! So first up - i'm usually a stripes kinda gal but lets see how Polly does...

Polly Dolly - Polka, Polka, Polka! by amy1984 featuring a polka dot jacket

I've gone relatively simple and tailored with my dots. I think sometimes polka dots can be a bit over whelming or a bit too cutesy-retro, so i found this sweet 3/4 jacket and paired it with a plain black cami and black skinnies. However, i've added a pop with the acid yellow pumps and great statement necklace, which add a lift to the outfit without out-shining the polka dot blazer. A black clutch, a soft smoky eye and a neautral lip and Polly is ready for a a round of business meetings ( or a round of drinks! ).

Next up: she may have gone a little tailored rock'n'roll in that last set, but this time Polly is pulling out her best glam for a ...

Polly Dolly - Dinner Winner by amy1984 featuring bangles jewelry

I've had this gorgeous Zac Posen dress sitting in my " All Items " folder forever, and i thought a dinner party would be the perfect opportunity to use it. I love the draping in the dress, and have tried to mirror that with the shoes. I love the coral colour and i think it goes well with gold, so some simple bangles and drop earrings keep the look soft. The heart clutch shows Polly's playful side, and the soft colour of the lip gloss and the nail polish keep Polly elegant. I wonder whats on the menu for dessert?

And lucky last: Polly is normally a city kind of chick but what sometimes, when she goes country, she turns into a....

Polly Dolly - Prairie Prairie Quite Contrary by amy1984 featuring victoria beckham sunglasses

A cute cotton dress is a must, plus a scarf to keep her hair nice and tidy outdoors. Desert boots cute and casual ( even if they are wedges! ) and the sunnies and suncreen mean Polly is keeping sun safe. Minimal jewellery and no makeup except a slick of lipgloss and Polly is ready for a prairie adventure....

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

2011-09-20T03:02:00.000-07:00

So .... yep, i've been missing for about a week. Sort of regularly absent for almost a month. I had my work conference and then i gave myself a bit of time away from the blog, and then my friends baby died and then i had day surgery.... which all equals a bit of a loss of blogging mojo.

Image from here

But i'm back baby! Consider this my return to form ( if i ever had any ) and a promise to post my regular 4-5 times a week.... at least for the next 7 weeks anyway.

Oh yes the official countdown is well under way - 6 weeks and 4 days until i get married! After that i'll be on my honeymoon for a week and as much as i like you all, you arent all coming on my honeymoon...

Godspeed, Little Man

2011-09-14T03:10:00.000-07:00

Today was little Brody's funeral, and it brought me completely undone.

I can only imagine how incredibly hard it must have been for his mother - to wake and prepare for the day that she will be putting her 6 week old child to rest forever. To deliver a very moving eulogy, to share her babies story with a church full of people without collapsing in tears. To hug every mourner as they left the church, to smile and accept their condolences without wanting to scream at them. To nurse her other child on her lap, to hug him and squeeze him as they lowered her baby's casket into the ground. I know for sure she is a much braver woman than I.

I would have been a bawling, weeping, moaning mess. You know the Muslim women you see on the news, the way they howl and paw at themselves, throwing themselves to the ground? That would have been me. And i wouldnt be finding comfort in religion of any kind - i dont mean to offend anyone but i hate the hypocrisy of Catholicism. I hate how when good things happen it is Gods glory, his miracle, his wonder; but when babies are stolen away from wonderful kind people its all " God works in mysterious ways " or " He must have needed that angel back ". God gets all the glory but never the blame. Frankly, i think thats absolute crap ( and a whole other post ).

So i went, and i wept for what my friend had to go through. I wept for the thought of what i would do if it were me and my child. And wept for what my parents would have had to do almost 22 years ago. I wept for the little boy they had to put in the ground. And when little Brody's burial service was over i went to my brothers grave and i collapsed onto the grass and i cried there, with him, privately. I cried for all those things and more. I spoke with my brother and i told him how Flynn knows his name ( even though he doesnt pronounce it properly ) and how he can point him out in photos. I told him how Flynn is built like him, small and nuggety, and how our Dad says Flynn reminds him of his son. I promised to bring Flynn to his grave and tell him that we love Uncle Eli. And as i wept and talked and tried to arrange my flowers as best i could, two crows flew overhead.

I dont know what you, out there, believe - but i know what i believe, and i know who those two crows were and why they were there, watching over me. I carry them on my shoulders ( quite literally, tattooed there forever ) at all times, and today they came when i needed them....

Bottoms Up

2011-09-12T14:31:00.000-07:00

So - i am lucky enough to be going in for a spot of day surgery today ( can you feel the sarcasm in that sentence? ) In the interests of being completely open on this blog, lets just say i'll be having an exploratory procedure - via the bottom. Or, to be proper, a colonscopy. Yep, thats right, thats where they take a tiny little camera on a tube and shove it up your you-know-where. Its usually the domain of persons over 60 years old but, as i said, i'm "lucky" enough to be one of the few young people who get to have it too. Like i said, its pretty much exploratory so the doctor is looking for the cause of some symptoms i've been having. Best case scenario? Its plain old haemorrhoids that, in all likely hood, were caused by pregnancy ( thanks Flynn! ). Worst case scenario? He could find that i have an auto immune disease, which would mean daily meds for the rest of my life and a strict diet ( thankfully, he seems to already ruled bowel cancer out ).

So - please excuse me if i dont post for the next day or two. I've already had a full day of no food at all, and am allowed precisely nothing ( no food, no drink ) today until i wake up after surgery. My point is that i'm near delirious with hunger and later this afternoon i'm expecting to be relatively drug-addled after anaesethetic. Probably not the best conditions for blog posting ( unless you like a good drunk post or two ).

And now that thats out there, let me finish up with a bit more TMI - i'm hitting the shower to shave my legs before i go to te hospital. I mean, what kind of lady wants to present herself ( bottom first mind you .... ) with hairy legs?

A Decade On

2011-09-10T15:23:00.000-07:00

I know i wont be the only one to post about this today but - its been 10 years since the September 11th terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center in NYC. Unfathomable at the time, and i think even in the jaded world we live in post 9/11 there is still something of the " How could they possibly have done that ? " about it all. So, in memory of all those who lost their lives that day, i'm going to re-post an entry i made back on September 11th 2008 ( 3 years ago and on the 7 anniversary of the attacks ):

The question was asked in my local paper today - " Do you remember ? " Frankly, i thought it was a stupid question. How could anyone possibly forget ? Of course, I'm talking about the atacks on the World Trade Centre 7 years ago today. What kind of person could ever forget the articles and the images accompanying them, even if they wanted to ?

I was in Year 12, my final year of high school, in 2001. The attacks had occured overnight, Australian time, and I remember my mother waking me earlier than usual telling me that two planes had crashed into the Twin Towers. Still groggy with sleep i wasnt exactly sure what she was raving on about - until she made me turn on the tv. I sat in bed, still in my pyjamas with the sheets bunched around my knees, horribly transfixed. I didnt want to see planes punching holes in steel, or desperate people leaping from buildings, or faces covered in ash, a trail of tears tracing its way down their cheeks. I didnt want to see that, but i couldnt look away. I didnt want to see that , and i dont want to remember, but i do.

I went to school early and gathered around a radio with about 30 other seniors. Any 12 or 13 year old Year 7 kid that even let out so much as a peep got threatened with the evil eye and a " Shut the fuck up, you idiot! ". I think it was obvious that we all knew we were witnessing an important moment in history. We Year 12 students were allowed to have the radio news playing in every class that day, probably as much for the teachers benefit as it was for ours. I dont remember which algebraic equations i worked on that afternoon, but i do remember wincing as a light plane flew over my maths class room.

My brother worked at the local McDonalds after school, and i went with my mother to pick him up at the end of his shift. It was unusually quiet, not many families calling in to pick a Big Mac or a Happy meal; i sat at a table staring up at the tv and cried. Bawled, in fact. A totally public place, good old McDonalds Family resturant, and i had nowhere to hide, but i sobbed my heart out at what i was watching. The news reports just kept repeating the same images of people jumping to their deaths. I couldnt help but wonder what last lonely thought they may have been thinking to push them to that extreme. Nor could i help but despair at such a waste of life - and for what ? None of us really knew at that point.

I didnt know anyone in New York City. I didnt even know anyone who lived in the US, but my heart bleed for the families who lives had been irrepairably damaged by such insanity. I wondered what they must be thinking, feeling, hoping, praying; I wanted to let them know that they werent alone in their loss and their sorrow. And i did, by writing a letter to the New York Times. I doubt that it was ever published, by message of support was there on the internet, recorded for all of humanity to see. If i could have helped dig through that rubble, to comfort a crying child who had lost a parent, to donate blood or skin to burns victims, I would have. I may not have been there, I may not have lost any of my people, but i felt it all the same.

It wasnt until i lived in the US during 2005 that i got some insight into what it was really like. I lived in NJ and my host father worked in New York City. On a trip to the local zoo one cloudless, blue sky September day with my boys and their grandparents, I noticed Grandpa Jerry sitting on a fence alone, just staring up at the sky. I asked him what was going on and he told me he was just reflecting - this was as perfect a day as that one looked like it was going to be. If the youngest of the boys had not been born the day before - September 10, 2001 ( happy birthday H! ) in a hospital in Jersey - my host father would have been there, one block from the WTC, when the planes hit. My host father had lost people he knew but luckily had been given a healthy, beautiful baby boy to take his mind off all that.

I dont mean to dwell on these things of course; but isnt that what remembering is ? Isnt remembering dwelling on the past, whether it be good or bad, and whether we want to or not ? Sure, I could have gone through today pretending like i didnt know the date, had forgotten its significance, or focused on sending good birthday vibes to my little H ( who is now big... ). But kind of memorial would that be ? What kind of respect would that be showing those who lost their lives ?
Honestly, I dont particularly want to remember, but some things you just cant forget....

Baby Love

2011-09-08T03:16:00.000-07:00

So after yesterdays news i've been keenly aware of and crazy in love with my son today. I felt a pang in my heart for what my friend has lost, and couldnt help but imagine myself in her situation. It did upset me for a little while, and then it made me want to run to my son, scoop him up, and never let him go. Of course, that just isnt possible ( especially not with such an active and wriggly toddler ..... ), as much as i wanted it today.

Image from here

What i did do is just took the time to really be with him - not just in the same room, not just absently mindly playing with him whilst thinking of something else but actually "being" with him. We had a playdate with another mum from mothers group during which i let him run and play and do his own thing but the rest of the day i made him my focus. Even when out shopping with my sister i made a point of talking to him, doing wheelies with him in his pram, rubbing his hair as we strolled - little things that made me feel connected to him.

He fell asleep in the car on the way home from the shops and i put him gently in his bed. When he woke after half an hour a bit distressed ( he's cutting his canines and they arent playing very nicely... ) instead of shushing him for a few minutes and then shutting the door i climbed into his bed with him, snuggled in under the doona and we had a nap together. Its been a long time since we've had a nap together and it felt good. Not only to get a bit of extra rest, but to have that snuggly, warm, bonding moment that i'm sure will be less and less frequent as he gets older.

Once he finally gets to sleep tonight ( again, those teeth are playing havoc ) i might go in and steal one more baby kiss before heading to bed. I'm just hoping my own sleep tonight is less restless than last night, when i couldnt seem to shake the sadness of the " what ifs? "....

Another Premature Angel

2011-09-07T02:42:00.000-07:00

This one is short and sweet, and goes out to a beautiful family who lost their little man today. KM, another mum from my mothers group, gave birth to a gorgeous little man on the 27.7.11, 4 months premature. Today, despite fighting with every little fibre in his tiny body, baby Brody slipped quietly away to join all the other babies, taken too soon.

May he sleep peacefully where he is now, and know that we keep him in our hearts for ever.

B.J.R 27.07.11 - 7.09.11

The Week That Was

2011-09-05T03:33:00.000-07:00

So - you may have noticed that not only did i go AWOL for the four days that i mentioned i would be Rockhampton, but that i also gave myself the rest of the week off from blogging too. As much as i like to keep things up to date, to keep the posts coming and the blog chugging along, i think i need a wee little break every now and again. But what did i get up to with all that spare time away from the blogosphere?

Monday: Dropped Flynn off at daycare. Did not get so much as a " Goodbye Mummy, i love you ". Cursed him under my breath for being such a turd. Got dropped to the airport, checked in ( along with my partner in crime, J ) only to find our fligh out of Dubbo was going to be 40 mins late. Made it to Sydney, checked in on a different airline, met up with the 4 other NSW staff members headed to the conference, and wolfed down some Maccas in time to make it to our gate for boarding to Brisbane... and found out this flight would be 40 mins late. Spent the majority of the flight wondering if we would make our connection to Rocky. Got there just as boarding opened, caught my third flight for the day and landed in Rocky pretty much on time. Dinner time actually. Checked into our rooms, freshened up and met Queensland staff members for tea. Not enough meal allowance to order dessert ( boo! ). Head to bed absolutely exhausted.

Our accomodation - The Edge

Tuesday: Full English style breakfast ordered at 8am, made the conference room at 8:55am. Actually interested in the mornings presentations. An hour for a pub lunch - at a table of 19 managed to sit myself across from the chattiest staff member there. Get a case of threethirtyitis mid afternoon and struggle to stay awake in front of the boss. Break for the day just before 5pm. Back to the room for a freshen up and a dose of Music Max. Meet 6 other keen staffers for diner ( the rest were pikers - boo to them! ). Find a great boutique pub bistro and have one the nicest dinners i've had in a while - including dessert! Order the apple tart tartine and am gobsmacked when it is not just one slice but the WHOLE BLOODY TART. Do the best i can to tackle it but, even with sharing a piece, can only manage to finish two thirds. Can barely walk back to the motel... am too full of apple tart.

Home of the best apple tart tartine ever - The Heritage Hotel, Rockhampton

Wednesday: Bacon and egg breakfast ( again ) ordered at 8am, made conference in time to get the seat right next to the national boss. Yay. Dont mind so much as very interesting round table discussion til morning tea, and then discussion on customer service. Big boss puts confidential notes in front of her on the table - apparently thinks that i either cant or wont sneak peeks at it when she isnt looking. Lunch at the same pub. I dont know how but i manage to get the seat next the big boss at lunch aswell. My salmon is slightly overcooked but the lemon/lime/bitters goes down well. Stay awake and alert for the last afternoon session. Finish the book i started on Monday before dinner. 17 of us head to the same boutique pub as Tuesday night. After a lovely chicken scallopine i decide to tackle the apple tart again. This time make it two thirds of the way through by myself. May have finished the whole thing if it werent for few Midoris i'd already consumed ( yay for open bar tabs! ). Make it back to the motel despite my enormous apple tart belly. Repack suitcase - couldnt be arsed doing it at 6am.

This is NOT my boss - ha ha, i wish!

Thursday: Up at 6am and at the airport an hour and 10 minutes early for our flight, thanks to a particularly edgy staff member. Grab a crappy airport cafe breakfast ( tastes like cheesy cardboard ). On and off our first flight before the time i would usually leave for work. Potter around Brisbane airport and invest in a new book. Also bought $11 worth of mixed lollies ( rip off ). Brisbane to Sydney is uneventful - so uneventful in fact that i manage to drift off for a half hour nap. Grab some lunch with J, do a couple of laps of Sydney domestic and then settle in at our gate to wait for boarding. Actually have a flight with REX that arrives AND leaves on time ( incredible! ). Spend the flight trying to rest but giggling at the conversation from the couple behind me ( work in tv production, bitching about their bosses, filming out west, planning on driving to their destination 4 hrs from Dubbo at twilight - bad idea! ) J and I were two of the last people off the plane but the first thing i notice is Flynn pressed up against the terminal window, marvelling at the plane. Once he notices me he gets all excited and runs towards me as fast as his little legs will carry him. One huge mummy huggle and short drive later, i get tea cooked for me at my mum and dads. Mick drives us back to our place where, after putting Flynn to sleep, i collapse into bed, totally cactus.

Friday: A regular day at work, except that we're playing catch ups from the four days we were away. Barely have time to scratch myself. Make up a batch of spag bol for tea because, frankly, i couldnt be bothered doing gourmet. Again, i hit the sack before 8:30pm. Around 10pm i hear Flynn wake but Mick is still in good daddy mode and goes to him, and ends up sleeping in Flynns big boy bed with him. Good job Daddy - a calmed child and i get the whole bed to myself!

Saturday: Am gifted a sleep in by my gorgeous fiance. Feel so rested up on waking that i finish our shopping list while i tuck into my cereal. Go out and buy some new work shoes while Mick goes down to his shed and washes his work truck - meet back at home and then head out for groceries. Pop to the neighbours with Flynn for a quick visit when we get back. Flynn loves the little girls and teh dogs next door, so far is a bit scared of the mum ( big sook ). Once he figures out that K has swings, a trampoline, a pool AND can ply him with lollies they'll be good friends. Lots of cleaning and clothes washing done in the afternoon. Made some yummy chipotle chicken wraps for tea and watched " Monsters Inc " before bedtime. No wild saturday night for this little black duck!

Sunday: Flynn gives Mick his Fathers Day presents in bed, but instead of saying " Happy Fathers Day " he says " hello Cookie bird! " ( methinks he was dreaming about his aunties talking parrot... ). Go out to local nursery/cafe for Fathers Day brekkie with my parents, my younger sister and my brother and his family. Yummy French toast and fresh orange juice. Also lots of being dragged by the hand to see the fish in the pond. Flynn lets a combination of teething and finally becoming clingy ( which i thought he might, once i came back from Rocky ) turn him into a complete and utter feral child. Combination of sookiness, squealing and toy throwing drives me up the wall. Manage to get him to fall asleep after an hour and half on my lap. More sookiness when he wakes up which thankfully wears off when we go to my parents for bbq dinner. Good food, big laughs. Come to the conclusion that both my son and my father may just be nuts. Still, settle into warm bed to watch " Underbelly: Razor " with a big smile on my face....

I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane

2011-08-28T13:45:00.000-07:00

.... and i aint coming back ( til Thursday evening ). My bags are packed to head off and take the three flights it will take to get to Rockhampton for my annual work conference. It might sound like a bit of a junket - leaving good old DubVegas and heading to sunny Queensland - but if its any consolation it will be two days of pretty boring meetings and presentations. I may or may not have to eat my weight in mints just to stay awake.

Image from here

Anyhoo, basically this means i'm going AWOL from the blog for a few days. I'm not one of these awesomely organised bloggers who has some posts scheduled to go live while i'm away so, until Thursday night, you'll just have to get along without me. I know, I know, it'll be hard....

Polly Dolly - Birthday Babe

2011-08-26T15:06:00.001-07:00

You read it right - its another Polly Dolly. I'm running a little late on this one... partly because i work Fridays and partly because Polyvore was being a pain in my arse and it took me forever to get this set finished. But never mind that! This week the lovely Dani from Danimezza would like to see our cutest outfit for a .....

My little Flynn will be turning 2 on December 27th - the perfect time of year for a cute summer-y outfit. I found these great denim shorts ( which arent too long, but arent shorty shorts either! ) and paired them with this sweet ruffle top, in the perfect mauve/purple shade. Throw on a pair of gorgeous wedges for a bit of height, and some wooden bangles to tie in with the brown in the shoes. A pair of sunnies are mandatory for a summer party and then all thats left is the party! A " Sesame Street " theme would actually really suit my Elmo/Cookie/Ernie mad son so that great cake and some colourful balloons will be all we need!

Over The Hill And Far Away

2011-08-25T03:16:00.000-07:00

So remember how i said i was trying to get all my ducks in a row? Yea, well - those ducks have officially flown off and deserted me. Gone north for the winter or something. Either way, those ducks are no longer lined up the way we wanted them to be, which means the dream of family home ownership is still not in reach.

There go my ducks... ( pic from here )

So - poo to that. Basically i went to the bank we are already with ( again - which bank? ) and basically got told we can borrow pretty much jack squat, and I got pretty basic customer service to go along with that little announcement. To be quite frank i got the feeling that i wasnt worth enough money to the bank for them to bother trying too hard to help me. So poo to the bank!

Then i went to Aussie Home Loans and spoke to a mortgage broker there who, despite telling me we could get a fraction more than jack squat ( which was better, but still not enough to buy a decent place ), was really lovely. She was really helpful - not only did she run the numbers to see how much we could borrow, but she also gave me some alternatives, and some advice in how to get moving in the right direction. Actually, she gave me such good customer service i think i might write a little thank you " Thumbs Up " into our local paper.

So basically - we arent in the position yet to sell my duplex and buy a family home. And where does that leave us, seeing as we are hoping to expand our family in the very near future? It leaves us with.... converting our garage into a third bedroom/playroom. I'm not sure whether it will add value to the property when we can afford to sell it but, seeing as we arent in the position to move, converting is what we need to do in order to have enough space for a growing family.

Have any of you converted your garages into "inhabitable " rooms? Any advice? Or anyone looking to donate a couple of hundred thousand dollars to a young family?

What To Wear? What To Wear?

2011-08-23T03:16:00.000-07:00

So - next Monday i'm off to a conference for work... in sunny Rockhampton, Queensland. I know its not going to be as glamourous or as exciting as Blogopolis ( oh yes, still harboring some jealousy here... ) but, like you ladies who were lucky enough to be able to attend in Melbourne, i need to figure out what to wear. I have a day of plan trips on Monday ( on the way up ) and Thursday ( on the way back ) and actual conference meetings and activities on the Tuesday and Wednesday. Bearing in mind that though this is technically a business conference the dress code isnt especially corporate, and taking into account what kind of weather northern Queensland is going to throw at me... what in the bloody hell am i going to wear?

The decision might be easier if i had a wardrobe like Kate Bosworths...

Methinks jeans and a comfy top are a no-brainer for the two days of travelling. I'll be buggered if i'm going to do a Lady Gaga and trip around Sydney and Brisbane domestic airports in my fanciest clothes. Nope - jeans and comfy cotton shirts, flats or possibly sandals and a slouchy satchel all the way for this little traveller.

For the conference itself - Day One i'm thinking a cute dress, black tights and boots. Khaki suede, stacked heel, ankle boots to be exact. Boots that say " Dont walk all over me, because i might just stomp back ". An outfit that shows my feminine side but that finishes off with a touch of hard-arse, i-wont-be-pushed-around attitude.

Day two , traditionally a bit more of a relaxed day - maybe slim fit dark jeans, white cotton blouse and flats. More formal and more pretty than the jeans-and-t-shirt combo, but still comfy enough to last through a day of (probably very boring ) presentations.

Yep, thats what i'm thinking. Of course, there is still the whole ritual of trying each outfit on, perusing myself in the mirror, and asking Mick what he thinks before i even consider packing my bags.... What about you? Do you pre-plan your holiday/conference outfits down to the day? Do you ponder each outfit option for weeks in advance? And do you think my boots are going to kick arse?

Each Piece Tells A Story

2011-08-22T02:41:00.000-07:00

So - guess who's started sleeping in a big boy bed?

No, not Mick, he still has to share one with me (ha! ). No, no, at the tender age of almost-20 months we have decided the time is right to put Flynn into a " big boy bed ". No more cot, and no graduation to a toddler bed ( i cant justify the cost of a toddler bed... ) - just straight from cot into a standard sized single bed. A solid, retro style tubular bed, which has long ago been repainted blue. Why "long ago " and "repainted ", you ask? Because Flynns very funky new big boy bed used to be.... mine. Its been recycled and repurposed, thanks to the very generous donation of my parents and my sister ( who previously had it in the spare room of her old flat ).

Ignore all the spare blankets and bags of clothes stashed under the new big boy bed....

This bed started out life as a set of steel tubular style bunk beds, in a lovely, girly fairy floss pink ( as was chosen by my parents. I've never been much of a pink girl myself ). When i outgrew the novelty of bunk beds my very handy Dad decided to be thrifty, took the bunks out to the garage and, using an angle grinder and some precise measurement, sliced the bunk bed in half - resulting into two solid single beds. Not being a super fan of pink - and being a moody girl in her early teens by this time - i chose to repaint them blue. And now almost 15 years later, one of those repurposed bunk beds has ended back in my possession, and is a very reliable ( if not slightly pink flecked in places ) first big boy bed for my little man. Hows that for recycling?

A little toy corner - a mini wheely bin full of stuff, plus a book shelf of plush toys...

And hey - it may not be the coolest piece of very retro, almost vintage furniture to ever see the light of day, but at least it has a heartwarming story....

Getting All My Ducks In A Row

2011-08-19T02:56:00.000-07:00

Alrighty - so you may have seen a few of my Tweets this past fortnight or so begging for someone to buy my house ( or to lend me a few thousand dollars ) ? Yes well, i have the itchiest of itchy feet.... our little duplex is great and all but i just want to start the next chapter of our lives NOW. However, until this week, i havent done anything to make that happen other than trying to will myself to win the lottery. Apparently, no matter how hard you wish, you cant attract absoluetly EVERYTHING into your life...

An " Edward Scissorhands " neighbourhood - that'd be nice...

So i've decided i'm going to be proactive about this whole " lets buy a house" thing. I've gone to an open home for a house that would be in our price range, and i've had a chat to the real estate agent there about the market, how much we could expect to sell the duplex for, and how long it might take.

I've made an appointment with our bank ( which bank? ) to see the home loan specialist, so we can figure out how much we might need to sell for to cover the existing mortage, plus commission/solicitor/etc blah blah blah, but also so that we can (hopefully) be pre-approved for a new loan. That way, Mick and I can have a realistic expectation of what we might be able to afford to spend on a new property.

I plan on making an appointment with a mortgage broker when i'm done at the bank. Mick isnt too keen ( he thinks we stand a better chance at the bank because we're existing customers ) but i want to know exactly whats available to us. I dont want to find "the" house, get a loan with our existing bank and then find out we sold ourselves short.

After all that, our plan is to list the duplex when we get back from our honeymoon, and begin looking for a new house right away. If everything fell into place ( which, lets face it - these things rarely do ) we would be able to sell the duplex and find a new house within a few weeks of each other, and move out of one and into the other before the 6 week settlement period was up. If we cant find and move into a house in that 6 week period... well, then it looks like we'd move in with my parents for a while. " Argh, no, dont do it! " i hear some of you shouting ( Holly is probably behind her screen screaming at me right now... )... but thats the only workable solution. If we did have that period in between selling and buying and we didnt move in with my parents we'd be homeless. And as frusturating as it may be to live in a household that would contain 5 adults ( including my sister ) and one toddler well... its gotta be better than having nowhere at all to live.

So - bring on November i say. Wedding, honeymoon, Wiggles concert ( i know - excited much!?! ) and listing a house.... you know, if my stress doesnt kill me first!

Polly Dolly - Ladylike Lingerie

2011-08-17T21:03:00.001-07:00

Thursday has rolled around already and that means its time for Polly Dolly, as brought to you by the fabulous Dani over at Danimezza. This week Dani is being a bit saucy and wants to see Polly in her....

This is exactly the type of thing i'd love to have with me on my upcoming honeymoon - a silk chemise in a beautiful colour, matched with some lacy ( yet comfy! ) knickers. A spray of flirty perfume to help me feel super sexy, some candles and a glass of champagne to set the mood and.... bom-chika-wow-wow! Let the honeymoon baby-making begin! Some rocky road and strawberries to share afterwards ensure a sweet end to the evening... and maybe some energy for round 2 (wink wink, nudge, nudge )...

Adventures in Picnicking, Old School Style

2011-08-16T15:06:00.000-07:00

Oh in the summertime, when the weather is high.... ok, so its not summer yet. Nor spring for that matter. However, over the past weekend we did have some lovely weather here in Dubvegas so we got together with my parents, my neices ( who were staying at Grandma and Poppys for the day ) and my younger sister to go on a proper, old-fashioned picnic. We packed ourselves some lunches, i made some delicious cheesecake brownies for dessert, and we took all the kids ( big and little ) out the park/play area at Taronga Western Plains Zoo ( our favourite playground in town! ). Unfortunately we missed out on a picnic table because when we got there every table was taken up by birthday parties - from what i could tell there was 3 seperate birthday parties going on....

But no matter because there is lots of open space to run around in ( and a fence around the perimeter so little people cant run into the car park );

There is the great jungle gym/tree house. Flynn can climb up the ramp by himself and giggle his guts out when he goes down the slippery dip. The bigger kids climb right up the top and yell out at the top of their lungs " Hey Grandma! Hey Aunty Amy! Hey, i'm up here! "...

There were Daddies enjoying the sunshine on their picnic rugs ( looking good baby! )....

...and Poppies pushing little people on the swings. Flynn loves the swings and at the age of almost 20 months that the appropriate noise to make whilst swinging is " wheeeeeeeeeeee ! "

There were also beautiful neices galore! The very cute MissB on the wobbly bridge....

And the just as pretty, if not slightly more adventurous MissH at the end of her flying fox run.

Then you had Grandma's playing hide and seek with cheeky little boys ( who then got bark in his shirt and proceeded to itch and scratch... )

And little boys who just l.o.v.e sand and dirt and all things grotty.

And, at the very end, there were silly Mummies ( with no make up, freckles and all ) and crazy Aunty Pippy's ( who had run out of bubbles to blow for the kiddies... ) making silly faces. Ah, a day in the park.... hurry up spring and summer can i do that every weekend!

Music: Still Awesome Or On The Downhill Slide?

2011-08-15T02:14:00.000-07:00

Inspired by a question posed over on the Digital Parents forums, and egged on by a segment on my local radio..... todays post is a rant about the state of todays " popular " music. Seriously - i'm no old biddy ( at the ripe old age of 27 i still consider myself a spring chicken... ) but much of todays Top40/pop really gets on my nerves. Aside from the often inane lyrcis, or the beats that have been done to death, its the "obviousness " of it that annoys me. What am I talking about - " obviousness "?

Nothing is subtle anymore, there are no tongue-in-cheek lyrics that you kind of have to be in on the joke to understand - its all so there and in your face, its like being hit in the head with a brick. Its all just panders to the lowest common denominator and assumes that we need everything spelt out to us. Case in point: a song called " Dirty Talk " by Wynter Gordon that contains the lyrics " Tight clothes, lingerie, pantyhose, foreplay ", and also talks about how she wants to get her legs up in the back of the car. First of all - TMI. Secondly, could you possibly try harder with the rhyme scheme next time? Thirdly - TMI again. Its great that you're out there embracing your sexuality and getting it on in public places, but you dont need to be so explicit about it. I dont want to know, and young, impressionable children who are exposed to the radio/tv dont NEED to know.

Or what about when a song does have great lyrics, has some subtlety and mystery to the words, but the video clip is all sex! Boobs! S&M! look how controversial i can be! Yes, Lady Gaga, Rihanna and Kanye West, i'm talking to you....

I dont mind when an artist feels the need to talk about sex, or drugs, or violence or death.... sometimes those things need to be expressed and, frankly, sometimes i DO want to hear about them. I just dont want them thrown in my face lyrically or visually - i want to be able to smile at how cleverly you can talk about them without actually going the whole hog and just saying it. You know, like a lyrical game of " Taboo ".

So i enjoy a song like " Right In Time " by Lucinda Williams ( an ode to missing your partner so much you need to masturbate to the memory of them ) or " Slide " by the Goo Goo Dolls ( about abortion and alienation ) or even " Luka " by Susan Vega ( the sweetest song about domestic violence that you'll ever hear... ) because the artist has managed to twist and turn and hide those issues and ideas so that adults can guess at them, and applaud their creativity, and small children will hear nothing more than sweet melodies and kick arse guitar solos....

Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?

2011-08-12T03:15:00.000-07:00

Let me ask you this: what makes a good wedding?

As a bride-to-be ( in 12 weeks and counting! ) its a question i've been pondering for a while now. However, after watching this seasons first episode of the trash-tastic " Four Weddings " i started thinking - yes, its my wedding, but how much should i consider the enjoyment of others on my big day?

Mick and I are going for a laidback, casual kind of vibe with our wedding. We're having an outdoor ceremony ( on a cute little deck beside a small lake - complete with fountain! ) and our reception is being held in the private function lounge at the most " boutique " pub bar in town. We're having a cocktail reception - which means no set tables or 3 course meal, just the chance to move around, engage with everyone, and have fancy finger foods brought out for a tapas-style dinner. We're having a jukebox and a pool table, and we'd really love for it to feel like a big party with everyone in pretty clothes, as opposed to the stuffy, formal affairs that some weddings can be. I've had help from a wedding planner with decorations but have organised everything else myself.

I guess what i'm getting at is - of course the bride needs to love the big day, but how much should everyone else love it? I know no-one will be keeping score like the girls on " Four Weddings " but i'd really love for my guests to come away from my wedding saying that they really enjoyed the whole event, that its one of the best they've been to. ( You know, without sounding either too desperate or competitive... ).

What made your wedding special? Aside from the dream dress and the hair and the make-up, what was one thing that "made " the day for you? Or, as a guest, what makes for a memorable wedding experience?

Polly Dolly - Behind The Mask

2011-08-10T19:22:00.001-07:00

So Thursday means its time again for another Polly Dolly, brought to you by the ever amazing Dani over at Danimezza. This week Dani is playing it all mysterious, and wants to know what Polly would wear to a ....

To me the word " masquerade " instantly invokes an old school kind of glamour, a sense of mystery and keeping things hidden that is missing from todays " polite society " ( can you tell i've been reading too many books set in genteel upper class England? ) This black and gold mask is quite ornate, so Polly is going retro-glam in a gorgeous long-sleeved gown in basic black. However with its deep v neck and cut out back it allows Polly to be sexy, but still classy. Gold python peep toes have a 40's vibe, and simple jewellery keeps the focus on the mask. A slash of red lippie and black mascara to help her eyes " pop " behind her mask, a spray of her favourite night time fragrance and Polly is ready to hit the masquerade ball....

Census Night - Woo To The Hoo!

2011-08-09T03:22:00.000-07:00

Census night - is everyone excited?!? No? No? Thats probably because the Census questions are boring.... which is why you need to do the " New Adventures in Dreamworld Alternative Census "! In the spirit of knowing all about my readers, and thus my very little community, i have composed this list of Very.Important.Questions that you all need to think about answering:

1. How much money have you spent at the petrol station on lollies/drinks/magazines you dont need?
2. Are Josh and Jenna the most annoying reality tv couple ever?
3.Are you Team Edward or Team Jacob, or are you over the age of 18 and really dont care?

4.How much did you contribute to the national economy by spending half your annual income at the Target/Big W/Kmart toy sales?
5.How many times a year does your partner do a load of washing - without being asked?

6.Would you consider the area you live in to be: City? Suburb? Rural ? And would you consider the state of your home to be: Pristine? Liveable? Post-Children Apocalyptic?
7.Have you stopped watching " Sunrise " on Channel 7 because Kochie is a major dickhead?
8. When was the last time you were able to take a shower/have a bath without a child being present?

9. How often do you have roast dinners, and is you meat of choice: Chicken?Lamb? Pork with crackling?
10. How awesome do you consider the author of this blog?

Ok, i think that should give me a good handle on you guys. Feel free to answer in the comments or to steal the questions for a post of your own!

Come Back Sunshine!

2011-08-08T03:18:00.000-07:00

So we had a great week of sunshine and laughs last week and then this week.......back to crappy cold, wind and sleety rain. Booo! So, in an effort to keep the sunshiney spirit alive and kicking, please enjoy these photos of my boychild at one of the local parks last Wednesday. We had the park to ourselves ( just me, him, and my sister, his Aunty Pippy ) and although he needed a bit of help to climb up on the jungle gyms, he had an absolute ball....

Preparing to slide down the "dip " all by himself. You dont want to see how poor Bruce the Teddy went down ( he got a shove to the back and ended up in the dirt... )

The swings are Flynns favourite. In fact, he enjoys swinging back and forth and throwing his head back so much i couldnt get him to look at me for a photo.

Flynn is finally starting to learn that when someone points a camera at you, you look and you smile. This is his biggest and best smile so far. ( And look how his chubby cheeks make his eyes disappear... cute! )

Showing off his muscles - which are huuuuuuuuuge!

Exploring the playground on his trike. What better way to get around when there are no other kids to get in the way?

And now utilising the actual bike/trike path. He's a on a highway to... the swings probably. Or some more chips out of his snack bag.

Aww....looking like such a big boy. Cant believe there is only 4.5 months til he turns 2!

Polly Dolly - Hippie Hippie Shake

2011-08-06T02:39:00.001-07:00

Yay - a new Polly Dolly is here! Brought to you by the very talented ( and in demand! ) Dani over at Danimezza, this week we need to get a bit chillaxed, a little bit zen, and go all...

A sweet smock dress and relaxed denim vest set the tone for the outfit. Gladiator sandals are a must, but the bead and sparkles on these ones give the outfit a boost. A head scarf to keep all that long, luxurious, hippie hair out of Polly's face, and aviator shades and sunscreen keep the Polly sunsafe. Throw the rest of her stuff in a great brown satchel and Polly is ready to hit the hippie trail!

The Start Of A Journey

2011-08-05T02:30:00.000-07:00

So - today is exactly 3 months until my wedding. 3 measly little months - but for all the little things i have to do in the meantime, it may aswell only be three days. But this post is not about wedding preparations... no, today i want to pose a question. Some of you may or may not be able to answer it, but it is really more about me getting things off my chest and out of my headspace.

So.... how long did it take you to fall pregnant after you stopped taking the Pill? Or more to the point - how long will it take me?

Pic from here

I've found myself really starting to think - and to worry - about trying to conceive this last week or so. I know this will sound petty to the beautiful few of you who have been TTC for years, and havent yet been blessed.... but i'm trying to figure out when to stop taking the Pill to give myself the best chance of conceiving by the end of the year.

There is the notion that it takes a month or two for the hormones in the Pill to leave your system, so maybe i should stop it now - but then there is the advice i read that says you only have to miss one single, solitary little pill for your body to start ovulating, which means you could fall pregnant straight away. I tend to believe the later. Why? I was ON the Pill when i fell pregnant with Flynn. From memory i think i missed two pills one weekend ( i had gone to stay at Micks and forgot to take them with me ) and though we were "careful " i managed to fall pregnant in those two days. ( I think that is partly what upset my ex-best friend so much - she had, unbeknownst to me, been trying hard for a while to have a child with no success, and i'd done it with no intention, and at the drop of a hat ).

But thats the thing - i acknowledge that it was incredibly against the odds for me to fall pregnant after being unintentionally off the Pill for two days. I was ( even though it wasnt planned ) extremely lucky. Surely i cant be that lucky again, second time round? I cant just assume that because my body adjusted itself so quickly that time, that it will be able to do so again. I'm hoping that i can, staying on the Pill, have a period the last week in October, get married the first weekend in November, and then fall pregnant on my honeymoon, or by Christmas at the latest. Thats the dream scenario - no period craziness for my wedding and honeymoon, and pregnant within a two month window.

Am i reaching for the stars here? Am i going to be beyond devastated if it doesnt all fall into place so easily? I've been wanting another child for months now, been getting clucky ( and jealous ) for every woman i know who's fallen pregnant while i wait to fit into my wedding dress. I've watched Flynn cuddle a 4 week old baby, i've watched him stroke the babys fluffy head, and say softly " aww, baby Mum...baby ", and i've wanted for it to be us - for it to be mine and Micks baby, for it to be a baby brother or sister for my Flynny.

I guess all i can do is wait - 3 months for the wedding day ( and night! ) and who knows how long til i get two blue lines on that little plastic stick....

You Are My Sunshine

2011-08-03T03:10:00.000-07:00

Without trying to sound too sappy - dont you just love the sun?
I've been feeling bogged down, weighed on heavily by worries and stresses for a good month or two - and after one weekend away and a few days of sunshine i'm feeling better. Lighter. Happier.

Pic from here

I can say with all certainty that the weather has definately played a part in my down-in-the-dumps mood. Some people would say that Seasonal Affective Disorder is a load of crap but i tend to think not. Not that i'm saying i would be officially diagnosed with S.A.D ( a mood disorder wherein the change in season - usually from warm to cold - affects the mood to the point of depression ) but i know that when i was living in New Jersey the long, cold, snowy winter did see me more homesick, more lonely, and more melancholy than usual. I longed for sunshine and summer, for the chance to go without sleeves, to walk on grass without shoes.... and when that warm, humid, breezy summer did come, i blossomed.

So my fingers are crossed that this mid-winter " heat wave " doesnt leave us for too long. I'm hankering for spring, for happiness, for long days that turn into nights around an outdoor dining suite with family and friends. This little sun seeker is just waiting to get her sunshine on....

How about you? Do you think S.A.D is a valid disorder, and do you ever feel adversely emotionally effected by the seasons?

Weekend Adventures In Fun

2011-08-02T02:20:00.000-07:00

So you may have noticed that i've been missing in action from the blogosphere for few days. ( You didnt notice? Oh...ok. ) No, i havent had any mishaps like last weeks sprained ankle, nor have i given birth to anymore children ( which is what happened last time i had a prolonged absence from my blog ). No, no...nothing like that. So where have i been? I've just been on a long weekend with my beautiful boys....and having fun!

We packed our car up with what seemed like the entire contents of Flynns room ( clothes, nappies, toys, books... ) and one bag of our stuff and headed down to Sydney last Thursday lunchtime. Its at least 4 and half hours of driving, plus a half hour stop for a food/toilet break - which potentially meant a looooooooooooong trip with a toddler in the car. Lucky for us Flynn proved to be a good traveller, and only got really bored and whingey right towards the end of the trip ( although the kilometres and kilometres of roadworks across the Blue Mountains proved to be a good distraction, with all the excavators and bulldozers and trucks to draw his attention ).

Roadworks over the mountains ( pic from here )

As you do when you have a young family and not a lot of funds, you stay with family - we were very graciously hosted Mick's Aunty Kerry and his Uncle Mick ( and yes, quite often their was a bit of confusion about which " Mick " was being spoken to ). Aunty Kerry is the kind of host who cooks enough food to feed a hundred people, so i'm pretty sure i've stacked on at least 2 or 3 kilos in the last 5 days. She is also the kind of host who refuses to let you help with anything, so we end up being completely catered to for a few days, which was really nice.

What was also nice was being able to get out as a couple - Mick and I left Flynn with his great-aunt and great-uncle while we went to see Cirque Du Soleil's " Saltimbanco ".... which was awesome! We caught the train into Homebush and got to pretend we were teenage lovebirds - we held hands, and cuddled together on the train, and stopped for a coffee date before the performance. It was nice to be able to act like a couple, without having an (adorable) little person in tow. It was exactly the romantice date night i was hoping for (but didnt get ) a few weeks ago. Ah - the magic of the circus...

But its not like Mr Flynn got left out altogether. We managed to squeeze in some tenpin bowling - where Flynn got to have a turn, and where i kicked Micks arse twice; a spot of shopping at Penrith Westfield - where i scored 3 cute dresses at a great price, Mick got some much needed new hoodies, and Flynn got spoiled with books and plush " Hoot " toy; lots of running and jumping and digging and tricycle riding and playing with Mia the giant fluffy dog in Aunty Kerry's backyard; and even a shared ice cream or two. Plenty of fun stuff to keep an energetic 19 mth old amused!

And - aside from the Cirque Du Soleil - even though shopping and ten pin bowling and playing in the backyward is all stuff we can do at home... it WAS fun. It was nice to get out of town, to get away from the routine of our everyday lives and just be somewhere different for a few days. It was nice to eat bacon and eggs for breakfast instead of cereal; it was fun introducing Flynn to new experiences; it was good to catch up with family over a few drinks, and around a suprisingly warm outdoor heater. It just " was " and i enjoyed it.

Yay for Cityrail! ( Pic from here )

What about you? What did you get up to over the weekend? ( If you went to Blogopolis i'm sure you've already blogged it tho... )

P.S Please excuse the lack of original photos with this post. I did take my camera but kind of forgot to get it out most times....

Polly Dolly - The Park Is The Place To Be

2011-07-27T14:59:00.001-07:00

So i'm off to Sydney for the weekend at lunchtime....but before that, i have time to fit in a quick round of Polly Dolly! ( which happens to be brought to you by the lovely Dani over at Danimezza ). This week, Dani has been inspired by some fellow bloggers and wants to know how we dress when we're being...

This is pretty much exactly what i would wear - you know, if i could afford all this cute stuff! Jeans and a soft, warm stripey cardigan are pretty much my uniform. Converse All Stars mean i can be comfy while i chase Flynn around on his trike. A scarf for a bit of added warmth, sunnies for the cool factor ( and sun protection ). A re-purposed nappy bag to hold all the extra bits and pieces, and my old favourite, Pepsi Max, to sip on while Flynn does the slippery dip ( over, and over, and over... ).

How about you - are you a Hot Park Mum?

Honesty Is The Best Policy

2011-07-26T02:35:00.000-07:00

Dear Co-worker,

I want to thank you for taking a sickie today and leaving the rest of us in the lurch. Not that we were entirely run off our feet or anything like that, but rather its the manner in which your sickie has been taken that has got my goat.
I want you to repeat after me: Honesty is the best policy.
And try this one: Mental health days are nothing to be ashamed of.
Methinks the better idea - rather than chuckie a sly sickie whenever you feel a bit stressed, which you plan on doing on a fortnightly basis from now - is to be honest from the start. That way you wont be getting anyones nose out of joint, and neither will you look like a big, fat, dirty, sneaking liar when you get busted.
Busily yours,
Me

This may be the look i will give him from my desk tomorrow...

Let me explain - one of my co-workers has decided that from now on he wants to take weekly/fortnightly sick leave days. His counsellor has recommended it, and is willing to write him a doctors certificate for every mental health day he takes. This has really got my back up - not because i dont believe in mental health days ( as a person who has lived through depression and still struggles with depressive episodes, i very much appreciate a day off in the name of keeping sane ) - but rather its the way he's chosen to go about having these sick days thats got me all cranky. He is, for lack of a better term, lying about them, and expecting us to do the same ( and just accept that thats what he's doing ). Instead of going to our regional manager and saying " Hey , here's the situation, i'm stressed and a health professional has recommended time off " and organising a functional way of taking some time off, this co-worker is just going to ring in sick from time to time, and expect one of us to say he has a stomach ache/migraine/diarrhea. And when our managment very quickly get suspicious of all these random sickies - not only will he have to tell them the truth anyway, but then he'll look a selfish little whinger who's only looking out for himself.

Part of his stress has to do with the fact that we are very short-staffed around here - but rather than do things honestly, admit that he's having a problem, and hopefully have some alternative arrangments made... well, he's just leaving us in the lurch. Leaving us more short-staffed than we already are. Doing the same thing to us which is stressing him so badly. I'm all for looking after yourself but i'll be frank - what he's doing is rude. And disrespectful. ( Especially in light of the fact that another staff member was told by her doctor to take time off and she declined because she didnt want to leave this guy in the position he has left her ). This guy doesnt have a good work ethic at the best of times, so this whole " I'll just have sickies whenever i want, the rest of you be damned " attitude has only served to further raise my hackles...

What do you think? Should employees be upfront about their need for "mental health days " ( as advised by a medical professional ) or is it ok to just chuck a sickie and expect the rest of your office to shoulder the load?

Its Only One - Right?!?

2011-07-25T02:50:00.000-07:00

I'm a little alarmed - do you know what happened? Do you want to know what i found this morning? What i saw, while i stood in my underwear in front of the bathroom mirror and brushed my hair? Do you know what was gleaming out at me from amid my luscious chocolate brown?

A grey hair.

One grey hair - next stop? Full Arctic Fox!

I'm only 27 - you dont get grey hair when your 27! But no, here it was, a shiny silver strand sticking out like a sore thumb. I was going to try and pass it off as blonde but no, there's no lying about it... it was grey. And, just like a mice, we know where there is one, there are at least half a dozen. ( none of which i could see on closer inspection.) I had half a mind to put in a plastic sandwich bag and bring it to work to show my workmates - " See what the stress is doing to me!?! ". But then i realised not only would i have grey hair, but i'd also be accused of being completely mental. ( Which may or may not be true, we dont need to discuss that right now ).

But in all seriousness - a grey hair? Am i going prematurely silver? Or is it just a physical manifestation of all the stress and worry that caused last weeks super-meltdown?

I'm going to blame the months of concealed emotions - apparently not only do they eventually cause a tear-streaked, snotty meltdown, they also come sprouting out the top of your head....

Friday Feel Goods

2011-07-22T03:35:00.000-07:00

So - i was working by myself today. No other dispenser, and no optom, which also meant no patients...which all equals not much work to do. And what better way to keep myself amused at work ( you know, when you arent allowed access to Facebook ... ) than to make of all the things that i enjoy in life. The feel good things. The ones that make me smile instead of causing me unnecessary worry ( and bloody frown lines.... ). Things like:

* Warm days during winter. Its no secret that i hate the cold, so when we do get a mild/warm day in between the frost, i like to make the most of it - take Flynn to the park, play out in our front yard, or scour through our (small) garden looking for ladybugs or caterpillars.

This got a really big " woooooooooow! "

* Flynns excitment - his childs enthusiasm makes me smile. For example, the other day he found a caterpillar on our tree and it was like it was the most amaaaaaazing thing ever, in the whole wide world . ( And lets face it, when your only 19mths old, caterpillars probably are pretty awesome ). Ladybugs and the moon and dandelions are illicited the same " Wow Mummy - wow! " on the first encounter.

* Dessert - i've got a sweet tooth all year round but winter desserts are just so ....good. Great. Warming. Comforting. I'm thinking tonight would bea great night for a crumble and ice cream. Ooh, or homemade cheats apple danish.

*A good book - i'm a bit of a reader. I have been since kindergarten.... its only now that i have a family and, thus, very little time to myself that i appreciate a good book, the escapism that it offers. I'm in the middle of " The Shifting Fog " by Kate Morton at the moment ( yea, yea, i know - i'm only a few years behind everyone else... ) and if i had the opportunity to just sit and read and read i'd finish it in one sitting...

I am SO hanging out with these people next week!

* Text flirting with my fiance - and you can get your minds out of the gutter. I dont mean "sexting ", i mean playful little messages through the day, or a random " Love u babe xx " out of the blue. Its nice that we still do silly things like that, and that they still make me smile.

* Having " things " to look forward to - like a roadtrip to Sydney next week where we will stay with Micks aunt and unlce, catch up, go and see Cirque Du Soleil and do some shopping. Excited!

Polly Dolly - Let It Snow!

2011-07-20T20:54:00.003-07:00

So its Thursday, which means its time again for Polly Dolly, the brainchild of the very funky Dani from Danimezza. Its been cold the last week or so, so this week Dani wants to know how we'd dress to be a ....

Just for the record... i H.A.T.E the snow. Hate it. I think it stems from a bad snow fight experience on our Year 6 excursion, and from my time spent in NJ during the winter.... but snow is cold, wet, sludgy and it makes everything look like drab grey mush when it melts. Which is why my Polly is spending her snow bunny days in doors by the fire, with a hot mug of chai latte and a yummy apple danish. When she does have to venture out, she's got some great snow pants and a (faux) fur hooded puffer jacket, sweet red snow boots and a cute beanie to keep her head warm. Thermal t-shirts and underwear are a must, and gloves and lip balm help to keep all skin protected while she's out. Which wont be for long - the fire and the danish are waiting!

And Now For Something Different

2011-07-19T13:35:00.000-07:00

After all the doom and gloom and woe is me that i've been posting about the last week or two, i thought i needed a change. What i needed was something funny. Hilarious even. And here it is! Please enjoy the following video of beloved " Playschool " presenter Noni Halezhurst reading " Go The Fuck To Sleep " By Adam Mansbach. Hil-hairy-arse!

*Disclaimer * - yes, for anyone too precious ... there is swearing in this video. No, its not actually a childrens story. And no, it was not shown on Playschool. Please do not bombard me with comments about how its not funny to swear at chidlren/around children/about children. Its a tongue-in-cheek story about how frustrating it is to put your kids to bed. 99% of us parents have been there. If you have, you'll understand. If you havent - well your f**king lucky so just stop your whinging, ok?

And Just Like That...

2011-07-17T19:15:00.000-07:00

... there it was, the emotional meltdown that i knew was coming. That i predicted, 2 weeks ago, was well on its way. To be quite honest, i'm kind of glad it finally happened - i feel lighter for having got so much off my chest.

From here

It started Saturday morning - Mick had to go into work for a while first thing, and ended coming home an hour later than what he had told me. I sat waiting, Flynn alternately playing and whinging that he wanted to get up on my lap, feeling lonely and rejected.
I put on my best happy face so we could go and do the grocery shopping, hoping that if i just acted happy enough i would get myself out of my funk.
We dropped Flynn to my parents so they we could go on the "date afternoon " that i had been looking forward to for a month. We saw the final Harry Potter movie ( which was entirely awesome, by the way ) and then went home to get changed to go out for dinner. It took me a long time to find outfit that made me feel as sexy as i wanted to feel - in the end i went for something that made me look relatively svelte, though i still didnt have that feeling i wanted so badly to feel.
We at a relatively nice resturant, although their dinner menu was very limited. I order pork belly, hoping it would be a great meal and a change from what i can cook at home. Hoping for something special to match the expectations i had of the night. What i got was two pieces of salty pork and some oily lettuce.
We went home, where i wanted so badly to crawl into bed together, to be intimate, physically and emotionally, to talk and laugh and touch each other without the distraction of a child. Mick wanted to watch a Steven Seagal movie, so i went to bed by myself at 8:45pm .

I woke Sunday in my mood hadnt lifted - it had gotten worse. I had wanted so much from our date night... a break from the demands of mother hood, yes, but also a reconnection with each other that i felt had been missing the last month or so. Preparing for a wedding, and having work stress, and still pining for a friendship that is no more has stolen my focus, and i know that i've been retreating into my thoughts more often that is healthy, and neglecting Mick just a little. ( I dont think he feels that way, thats just how i perceive my own behaviour ). And i dint get anything i wanted, not even a nice meal. I felt completely shattered and utterly exhausted by everything. I couldnt stop the tears rolling slowly down my cheeks while i cooked breakfast, or tried to focus enough to read the Sunday papers. And when we went around to my parents to pick Flynn up and my sister told me to stop whinging ( about my bad night ), i'd had the night off while she played with my son... that was it.

That was enough right there. I froze with my arm reaching up to get a glass out of the cupboard, shut the cupboard door and then walked out of the room, out the front door, hid around the side of the house behind some bushes and burst into tears. There was no denying it this time - those tears and frusturations were coming out, no matter what. My dad found me and told me to come back when i was ready to talk... which was only a half hour later. I waited til Mick took Flynn up to the supermarket and i drove slowly back to my parents house, where they sat with me on the lounge and listened as i poured every.single.worry out, let all the shitty words and hurts and frusturations stream out of me. And my mum hugged me and my dad squeezed my hand and they told me how they had the same worries as a young family, and how they could help me now.

All i can say is thank fuck for parents. The AMAZING parents i have, who support me and hold me up and love me when it seems like there is hardly anyone else who will ( excepting Mick and Flynn, the loves of my life ). Thank the Universe for parents like mine - i feel so much better for being to offload, and so much better for knowing their love...

Polly Dolly - Ugging It Up

2011-07-13T20:38:00.001-07:00

The perfect way to spend Flynns nap time? Doing a Polly Dolly of course! And thanks to the lovely Dani over at Danimezza i can... and this week, i can get extra comfy, because Dani wants to know how we style our...

Even though i will admit to wearing my Uggies up to the shops if i'm just running up to grab something i forgot earlier, and i will wear them if i'm only going over to visit my mum and dad... to me, Ugg boots are more about being comfortable and warm than they are about fashion. So Polly has got her Uggs on, enjoying a day at home ( without and children or hubbies to bug her! ). The Uggs are a knit design which are paired up with a soft oversized knit and comfy grey skinnies. Glasses are mandatory for all the reading she plans on doing ( both great books and great blogs ) and her phone and a cold Pepsi Max are close at hand if she needs them. Some moisturiser to keep her skin supple ( cos who needs make up when theyre having a lazy day at home? ) and blanket for extra snuggle factor and Polly is all set to relax and unwind!

Rah - Here Comes Bridezilla!

2011-07-13T02:38:00.000-07:00

Watching other people get married - whether they were people i knew or just various reality tv brides - i never really understood how a woman could turn from a normal, sweet girl into a " Bridezilla ". I couldnt wrap my head around what could possibly be important enough to bring out that inner monster, and make women turn so visciously against their loved ones, who seemed most frequently to be:
a) their hapless fiance
b) their meddling mother or
c) one of their bumbling bridesmaids.

Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

I was adamant i wasnt going to be that woman, the one who went from blushing bride-to-be to Superbitch Bridezilla.... and thankfully, so far, i havent been. I've been stressed about finding the perfect jewellery ( which i ended up getting at Macys online.. thankgod for international shipping! ), the perfect shoes ( which i'm hoping to get in when i'm in Sydney in two weeks time ) and the perfect flowers ( which are now coming from Artificial Wedding Bouquets ) but i havent cracked it with anyone yet. Except a few days ago when i kind of cracked it at my Mum for calling me at 8:30am on a workday. And i would have cracked it at her for that even if i wasnt getting married...

So back to the Bridezillas - its only 3 and half months til my wedding, but i am crossing my fingers that i dont cross over into " Bridezilla " territory before then. I can pretty much guarantee that i'll have at least one big, emotional meltdown before then ( probably over some tiny little detail which will seem insignificant by my first wedding anniversary ) but i am going on record as saying " I will NOT become a Bridezilla! ". Even if something goes wrong with my dress/flowers/shoes/cake/reception.. i will find away around it without turning all crazy deranged dragon lady.

I will NOT become a Bridezilla, i will NOT become a Bridezilla, i will NOT become a Bridezilla...

Maxabella Interviews Me!

2011-07-12T03:33:00.000-07:00

Ok, not quite - no, Ms Maxabella from MaxabellaLoves actually interviewed herself today, but she encouraged us to play along and interview ourselves too. And me being the meme whore that i am decided to give it a shot!

My earliest memory is... catching the XPT from Dubbo to Sydney with my dad. Actually, i'm not sure if its a memory of the event or i'm remembering the stories my Dad tells about the trip. I was 3 yrs old and apparently the water fountain on the train kept me amused for hours...

Image from here

My school report usually said... " Amy is a very diligent student, and a pleasure to teach ". Ha! ( Nevermind that sometimes it was followed by " She can, however, be a little too opinionated at times... ")

My first relationship... was in primary school with a boy named Kenny. We kissed behind the girls toilets, sat next to each other in the playground, and held hands when we walked home from school. I think it lasted about two weeks. Brief, yet very intense...

I don't like talking about... whats bothering me, deep down. Oh yea, sure, i'm fine to blab about it to the world on my blog, but when it comes to revealing deep dark secrets to my loved ones, i go mute.

My most treasured possession is... my engagement ring. I had to have it re-sized a few weeks ago ( yay for losing weight! ) and i felt a little naked without it. Ask me again in 4 months and my answer will probably be my wedding ring..

My father always told me... " stop picking on your brother/sister! " Yep - i was a bit of a shit-stirrer as a kid, and my brother and sister were easy to rile up ( can you tell i'm the oldest ? ) Other than that, i think my father impressed on me that every choice we make has a consequence, and we need to own that choice, whether we're happy with the result or not.

There's me, being gorgeous... no, wait. Thats Anne Hathaway...

In the movie of my life, I'd be played by... somebody goooooooorgeous dahling. Like me, you know? I'm going to go with Anne Hathaway, even though she is taller, thinner and more beautiful than i'll ever be.

I wish I had... enough money, or enough equity, to build a home for my family. A place we can make our own and raise children. With an amazing kitchen and a big backyard. And a dog. Named Buster.

I wish I hadn't... wasted so many years as a teenager/young adult living entirely within my own mind and worrying about would happen if i stepped outside my little box. What a great way to miss out on so, so much stuff...

My most humiliating moment was... falling off a dance platform ( or " the top box " at the 'Mersh as its known - Polly may know what i'm on about ) at a local club, and landing on my arse amongst the other dancers. My crazy, drunk-dancing friend " accidentally " danced a little too far to her right and booty-bumped me right off the edge. Shame, Amy, shame.

My guiltiest pleasure is... bad reality television. Though i dont stray as far as " Jersey Shore " ( and hey, thats only because i dont have pay tv... ) i will admit to being a fan of such fare as " Big Brother ", " Pimp My Ride " and " MTV's Next! "...

My last meal would be... eaten.very.slowly. Relished even. I'm thinking something wholesome and comforting if i'm about to go to my grave - roast chicken, potatos and the most awesome baked pumpkin ever. Steamed green beans. And garlic bread. And then a decadent chocolate cheesecake for dessert. Mmm....cheesecake ( cue Homer Simpson style drooling... )

Miss Goody-Two-Shoes

2011-07-11T02:50:00.000-07:00

I have a question - why is that when a young woman chooses not to do certain things, when she doesnt disgrace herself socially, and has a little class.... why does she get called a Goody-Two-Shoes?

First of all - where the hell did that turn of phrase even come from ( whats "two shoes " got do with anything? ). But secondly - why does a young girl/woman who lives a clean life get lumped with such a stupid and childish insult? And thirdly, now that i think about it, why is being a " good girl " such a bad thing?

Classy - very classy (image from here)

I just dont get it. I'm only 27 yrs old but maybe i'm turning into an old biddy before my time. I had my fun in my late teens and early 20's - the late nights, dodgy Sunday morning hangovers, the short(er) skirts that tempted inppropriate boys - but i was never like some of the girls i see going around now. Too many of them sadly. The dressing like a street corner hooker is bad enough, but what i really dont understand is the attitude toward alcohol for so many young women. I see Facebook statuses of friends, or friends of friends, spouting things like " TFIF! Time to get pissed! " or " Cant wait to get wasted! ".... why?Whats so good about it? Whats so awesome about drinking to the point where you pass out and cant remember a damn thing the next day?

I'll let you in on a secret - i dont smoke ( i've never even had so much as a drag on a cigarette ), i've never done any kind of illegal drug ( unless you count being able to smell pot being smoked in the beer garden at the pub ) and i dont drink. I'm not a hard line tee-totaller ( again with the phrases that dont mean anything... ) but when i say i dont drink i mean i'll have one or two cocktails 3 or 4 times a year. For example: so far this year i've had one drink when we went out for dinner at the end of April, one drink with a nice dinner i made for Mick and i and i intend on having some champa's at my wedding in November. Possibly a drink or two at my hens party and one on my sisters 21st in October.... thats it. And when i say " a drink or two " thats what i mean - one, maybe two if i'm in the mood. And when i mention the fact that i dont really drink i almost always get a sideways glance with this " Why not, you weirdo ? " look. Why is so strange that someone my age actively chooses to NOT drink/do drugs/smoke? Why is abstaining from substances that really dont benefit my body so odd?

Oh yea, because thats hell sexy ( image from here )

And just for the record, i dont think drinking is "wrong " ( smoking is on my list of " Stupid ", but drugs are definately wrong ) - its just that after those first few years of adulthood i've decided i really dont need alcohol. My body feels better without it, and a drink or two on the odd occasion is enough to " happy " me up.... i dont need to black out and spew every weekend to have fun. Nor do i drink a glass of red every night to "unwind " ( although, with a bisterous 18 mth old keeping me on my toes, i can understand how some of you do! ).

I apologise if this rant post is a bit preachy-preachy.... i just needed to vent my frusturation at the way womenhood seems to be headed. Which is down the toilet with last nights Vodka Cruisers and pizza spew...

Polly Dolly - Go Get Puffed!

2011-07-08T03:08:00.001-07:00

Two Polly Dolly's in a row - i'm in heaven! Its only because the lovely Dani from Danimezza posted last weeks Polly just a tenny, tiny bit late but i digress.... this week Dani ( plus a few others out there ) is a little bit obsessed ( and amused by ) the....

Now, where i live, the puffer vest is a fairly common thing - but less about being a snooty posh tennis/netball/soccer mum, and more about being warm in the outdoors. Which is wear my Polly is going this week - she's going out for a day of motor bike riding, picnics and messing about with her friends. She still wants to look cute though so she's gone with a sweet red ruffled vest over a nice warm knit. Of course gumboots are necessary to keep her feet dry, and these Burberry gumboots would be perfect. A handbag would just get in the way, so sensible Polly only takes her phone, her car keys and some lip balm which she'll stash in her vest pocket while she's zipping around on her 4 wheeler! Some cool tunes to listen to while she's burning along and Polly is all set for a day of fun.

What do you think - are the puffer vest set snobby or just trying to keep warm?

Polly Dolly - Celebrity Stylings

2011-07-05T02:49:00.001-07:00

Thank the Lord - Polly Dolly is here! You have no idea the withdrawals i was suffering.... Anyhoodle, Polly Dolly is brought to you, as always, by the spunkalicious Dani from Danimezza. This week Dani wants us to imagine that our Polly is not really Polly, but rather that she's our favourite....

Its tough to pick a favourite, but one celebrity i do love is Anne Hathaway. Not only is she gorgeous in that wide mouth/wide eye kind of way ( which i just dont get with someone like, say, Julia Roberts ) but in all the interviews i've seen with her she just comes across as so witty and funny and like she'd make a great girl to go out for cocktails with. Plus, i like what she wears 95% of the time, so i thought Anne would be great fun to dress. I love what she wears for less formal events so i've gone with something she might wear to a press call for a new movie. I found this great block colour shift dress which i've paired with a plain navy blazer. Orange accessories highlight the dress and bring out Annes fun side. She'd also need a tinted moisturiser with SPF factor to protect her georgeous dewy skin. Neutral eye make up and lashes of mascara to highlight those huge yes finish off the look.

Who would you dress?

Going Under

2011-07-04T03:24:00.000-07:00

So it turns out last Sunday was no mere emotional hiccup.

Sadly, i've spent the majority of the past weekend in a funk, at one minute on the verge of tears and at the next finding myself easily irritated by the smallest of things. I pity poor Mick - i would have been no fun to be around.

And, yet, i find i still cant talk about " it ", whatever it is. The " it " that is the anxious, bitter feeling of emptiness, of not feeling " good enough ", of being worried about the little things that are out of my control. The " it " that is determined to bring me undone, the subtle creep of depression.Lets face it - i know these feelings for what they are, and what they are are the precursors to a depressive episode. You dont come out the other side of depression without knowing what it feels like to slip under its murky darkness...

But i wont let myself this time. I know what triggered the feelings, and i know that situation is so much beyond my realm of control that its not even worth dwelling on. Yet i do - and all that worry, and jealousy, and sadness spreads into other thoughts until it blankets everything i think and feel. And so, because i know that, because i FEEL that ( while i'm still able to feel anything other emptiness ), i'm going to swim against that tide for all i'm worth.

And if that means i have to talk about " it " to Mick than thats what i'll do. If it means i have to cry and sob and shake and smear myself with snot in front of him, if means baring the weakest parts of me, if it means letting the usual happy/funny/strong facade slip a little - if thats what it takes to escape the darkness this time, than thats what i'll do. It may be all i can do...

Seriously - Let Me Welcome You To Reality

2011-07-03T14:12:00.000-07:00

I'm going to apologise ahead of time - this one is a rant post. I dont rant too much around here, and though this actually needs to be said to a few people in my real life, i have promised another person IRL that i'll keep my lip zipped ( for now )... thus, i have to get this out here. See - i've had about enough of some pretentious arseholes in my social circle and i think they need to get some perspective.

Consider this my ranty face! ( from here )

There is one person who claims he has " no " money - yet he runs his own business and lives in a 5 bedroom house in a nice area of town. I dont know how he runs his business, or if it is doing well ( and, quite frankly, its none of my business ) but i'm a bit tired of claiming he's near broke and then having other people worse off then him cover costs for things that should be shared burdens. Here's the tip - if your as bad off as you say your are sell your big fancy house, buy something more modest, and pump the profit back into your business or use it to live off for a while. If you cant even contemplate doing that, well, you aren't as short of cash as you think you are...

Then there is the person who, because of ill advised and/or stupid investment choices years ago, is a bit hard up at the moment. This happens to lots of people, so i'm not judging him for the loss of investment monies. He and his family can't afford the rent in the Sydney market anymore so have moved in with his MIL to save some money. However - in the last 6 months he has taken his family on two overseas trips, goes on weekends away once a month, and has bought one new car only to find out a few weeks later that his wife is pregnant, so they bought another brand new car. I cant stand people who claim " poor " status and then continue to spend up big on luxuries. Be realistic and get your priorities straight - and if holidays and $40 000 cars ARE you priorities, dont expect any sympathy from me when your debts catch up with you.

And lastly, the one who is relatively financial stable but is obsessed with things to the point of ignoring people: dont invite me and my child and my family places and then spend 95% of the time texting on your IPhone and even looking at me. Its rude, and its annoying. It makes me want to punch you in the nose.

So there you go - that stuff gives me the shits. Mick and I are not well off, but neither are we flat broke. We get by most weeks, getting the mortgage paid and groceries bought and the other little bills out of the way and ending up with $20 or $30 left in the bank. The few times a year the rates/electricity/rego and car insurance come due we struggle... yet we complain far less than all 3 of the people mentioned above. I'm not looking for someone to say " Oh poor you ", i'm just trying to explain how living within your means is how you live with a little breathing space. If you cant afford the repayments on your 5 bedroom house, downsize; if your so broke you cant afford rent, dont buy brand new and expensive cars; and dont become so consumed by money and things that you lose touch with people ( and thus the human contact you claim to crave ).And, most importantly,dont cry poor to me when you know for a fact that i have much less than you - it reeks of pretention and, quite frankly, disrespect

Who Loves? I Loves.... MaxabellaLoves!

2011-07-01T02:20:00.000-07:00

And its not just me who loves the wonderful Bron from over at MaxabellaLoves... no, apparently at least 1000 other people do too. And to celebrate the fact that she now has 1000 people following and loving her, Bron is having a fabulous giveaway on her blog. And when i say " fabulous " i mean fab-u -lous! Imagine this : because she cant exactly throw a party on her blog, Bron wants to at least let us dress for a party...so she's giving one lucky reader the chance to win a gorgeous party outfit!

And not just any old party outfit either - we're talking a dress from the exquisite Leona Edmiston label, customised shoe hotness from Shoes of Prey and cute earrings from Elk Accessories. Did i not say it was a fabulous prize? So i could be winning, and wearing...

This:

Or this:

Or even a hot pair of these:

You know, i do have a school reunion to attend in October - i'm gonna cross my fingers that i win this awesome prize from MaxabellaLoves so i can knock everyone's socks off with my awesome party outfit!

Toys!Toys!Toys!

2011-06-30T03:07:00.000-07:00

Oh yes, mums and daddies, its that time of year again - toy sale time! Catalogues with pages and pages of toys and games, crazy mums heading out to the shops at midnight, trolleys everywhere and lay-by lineups that go for hours. Oh the joy of it all!

Image from here

I have to say, i did well this year. Last i went to the Big W toy sale 3 days after it started, expecting that they would still have plenty of the toys i wanted. Uh - Fail! But i was a newbie toy sale-er back then... i didnt know abot the crazy crush of mums who get there bang on midnight and spend half the night in a lay-by line. So this year, a little older and a little wiser, i prepared. I scoured the catalogues and made myself a list of what we wanted to for Flynn and for our two neices and 3 nephews; i double checked prices and Googled the items i liked to make sure they were appropriate; and i did a scout around the store a day or two beforehand so i knew where the things i wanted would be. Genius Mummy!

We ended up getting our two biggest purchases from Myer which meant that when i went to BIg W today i wouldnt have to get as much ( which meant there were less things for me to miss out on ). I didnt go at midnight with the other pyscho-mummies ( sleep is far too precious to me for that! ) but i did go at 8am, after Flynn and I had had breakfast, showered and got dressed. There was hardly anyone there - all the hardcore toy sal-ers had been and gone; and the slowpokes and newbies probably didnt realise the store was open continously from midnight. We were in, shopped, lay-byed and out in 45 mins!

And yes, before i praise myself too much and someone else points it - yes i know you can now do the shopping online. However, not all items are available online and part of me actually likes the planning and the searching and the satisfaction of finding all the stuff on my list. And now we have all the presents sorted for Christmas and all we need to get in December is a present for each other. Cant get much better than that i dont think!
How about you - did you or are you planning to hit up the toy sales this year? Are you an online shopper or a hands on kinda gal like me?

That Old, Ugly Feeling...

2011-06-28T02:10:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else have those little meltdowns, those days when your whole mood is just completely off kilter and there isnt much you can do to change it?

Yea, well i had one of those on Sunday. I woke feeling not quite right, like halfway through the night the happy, satisfied part of myself had decided to slip between the sheets and not show her face in the morning. I felt frumpy, tired, ugly and irritable. I thought dressing up a little would lift my mood, so instead of my usual jeans/jumper/Converse All Stars combo i threw some tights on under a summer dress, with a cardy and boots. I really liked my outift ( way cute! ) but, even so, it did little to liven me up. Now i just felt like a fat, ugly frump wearing a pretty dress. So - no better then. I tried to put on a smiley happy face but it didnt stop the sense of "blah, blah, shitty, blah " from spreading through the inside of me. Even Micks playful teasing - which i usually give as good as i get - didnt make me smile. In fact, it only served to make me feel worse.

Image from here

And why? Was there a reason for this overwhelming feeling of ugly emptiness? I kept telling Mick "no, i dont know, not really ", telling him that i was just having a bad day. But that wasnt exactly true...

She's having another baby.
She's having another baby, and i'm not.

Why oh why is my sense of self-worth so still tied up with her? Why is the way i feel about myself so bound by what she does, or thinks, or says? Why can i feel so fulfilled and happy and confident in what i have and what i want, but one Facebook status is enough to bring me undone? And i cant even see the status ( i was "de-friended", remember? ) so i hear the news from Mick, and i have to bite my lip and say " Oh, really? Good on them " without also saying " I wish we were having one now too ".

Because, believe it or not, i am both happy for her and extremely jealous - even though my plans for a baby are only a few months from getting underway ( as it were... ). For some reason, the fact that she is adding to her family first makes me unbelievably sad for myself, like again i'll be sitting in her shadow and she'll be getting the things i would like to have for myself. Which, in retrospect, is probably how she felt when i was pregnant.... she had been trying to conceive for a while and there i was, falling pregnant accidentally. The difference is a) she already had everything else, and had it for a long time, while i was plodding along with the lower paid job, living with my parents while i saved for a home, spending years without a man to love me, having to scrimp and save for every little thing i wanted, when everything else came so easily to her.... and b) i can be envious that its not my time BUT i can still wish her the best. She didnt do that for me.

So, even though we havent spoken for almost a year, i sent her a message of congratulations. I got a polite, yet curt, " Thank you " in return. I dont know what i was expecting - if anything at all - but i had hoped for something more. Selfishly maybe - maybe sending her a message was inappropriate, like i was trying to get something from her that she isnt willing to give. Maybe it was me subconsciously trying to say " See? This is what you should have done for me. Why couldnt you just put your jealousy aside ? ". I dont know. I dont want to psycho-analyse myself anymore, I'm tired of picking apart and second guessing the choices i make ( made. didnt make. apparently made... ). Whats is done now but what remains is that there is a baby on the way, but its not on its way to me... and i feel like a failure.

Dear Flynn, Aged 18 months

2011-06-27T02:37:00.000-07:00

Dearest Flynn Charlie

Happy 18 month-aversary honeybee! I cant believe that you are 18 months old already, which means its only 6 months til you are 2 - and then you really will be classed as a "toddler " and not a baby anymore. Not that it matters - you've been telling me for months you're a " boy " and only refer to yourself as a baby when we have special hug-gles together, and even then the " baby " part is accompanied by a cheeky grin.

See? That cheeky grin!

Actually, most things are accompanied by a cheeky grin. You've grown into such a happy, smiley, giggling ratbag of a boy. You're a cheeky little monkey, a real " boys boy " - you love nothing more than mucking in with Daddy or Poppy in the garage or backyard. You're apparently quite the hands-on little person too ... Poppy was very impressed when you watched him for only a few minutes and then you were able to put a pop rivet in the pop rivet gun all by yourself ( a Bob the Builder in the making maybe... )

All this " boy " stuff doesnt mean you dont also love spending time with me. I love the time we get to spend together readig books, or doing puzzles, and i think its incredibly funny that every morning you want to hide in the wardrobe with my shoes while i get dressed! You still get very much attached to me when you are sick or tired, and although i sometimes wish i could have my lap back, i secretly dont mind...

Kind of helping in the yard

In the past 6 months from my last letter you have:
* developed an amazing vocabulary. I dont mean to boast, but you speak very well for your age;
* had battles with Mummy and Daddy over your food - you still manage to eat A LOT, but you fell out of love with your vegies for a while there. Currently you smash down roast vegies, and will happily munch on raw capsicum, carrot and sometimes beans;
*had your first kiss from a girl - ooh la la! Olivia came over for a playdate and gave you a smoochy when she was leaving. You might have pulled a weird face, but I'm now planning on your wedding...
* learned to climb up the play equipment at two of our favourite playgrounds all by yourself. I still need to stand by and make sure you dont fall, but you can pull yourself up the steps. You've also found the courage to go down the slippery dip - but your favourite is still the swings.
* discovered a love of chocolate ( thank you Easter Bunny! ) that i think may actually be genetic... at least once a day you say " Mummy? Coc-o-lit ? "

Picnicing at our favourite playground

.... and so many other things. You've also been unfortunate enough to have croup 3 times, and a stint with a week long virus which changed you from a tiny tear-about to a tired, fluffy little baby-lump inside a few hours. But, most of the time, you are loud, crazy, boy-energy personified. And i wouldnt have you any other way.
Love ya guts ( and your stinky little feet ),
Your mummy...

Trust Yourself - Intuition

2011-06-24T03:44:00.000-07:00

( By Susan Piver ) If you could picture your intuition as a person, what would he or she look like? If you sat down together for dinner, what is the first thing he or she would tell you?

Wow - you know, though i've always kind of relied on my intution ( though for a while there "intuition " was very heavily influenced by " negative thought process " ) i've never actually thought about what she might look personified. Oh yea, my intution is definately a "she " - that much i'm sure of. A strong, sultry "she ", one who knows her own mind ( is that my own mind? ). I'm thinking long auburn hair, green eyes, taller than me and curvy. A strong, fiery redhead. I mean, she'd have to be to get me to listen to her, wouldnt she? I'm not going to take my cues from any old mousey, wet-blanket, woman. You know what? Think Famke Janssen in the " X-Men " movies and thats pretty close to what i'm picturing here....

Or maybe she looks like this...( image from here )

As for dinner - what the hell am i supposed to feed the inner woman who guides most of what i do? ( Hell, i say most, because lets not pretend that " negative thought process " doesnt still win out sometimes... ) It'd have to be something good, something hearty and comforting and satisfactorily filling. Something that could accompany a good heart-to-heart. Roast chicken would be the best bet i think... or is that what my intuition tells me?

What she would tell me is that my feelings of needing to change jobs are right. I keep thinking it back over, and putting myself in my co-workers shoes, but my intuition would tell me that for my family to be put first, i have to leave when i get the chance.
She'd tell me to make contact, even though it probably wont be returned the way i hope. Just put myself out there and do it, and prove that i can be what she wasnt.
And lastly she'd tell me that i'm a good mum. She tells me that all the time as it is, even when the self-doubt creeps in.

What would your intuition look like? Be like? Tell you?

Polly Dolly - Workin' 9 To 5

2011-06-23T04:14:00.001-07:00

So i'm a bit late to this weeks Polly Dolly ( i was off adventuring with Mick - more about that later ) but this week the lovely Dani from Danimezza wants to know what Polly wears when she's...

At my office we ( unfortunately ) have to wear a uniform - navy trousers, black pin stripe shirt and black closed-toe shoes. Yes, black and navy together... whoever designed our uniform apparently knows little about fashion rules. But Polly here is wearing what i would love to be able to wear to work. The beautiful print skirt would be the centrepiece, paired with a basic black knit top and basic black tights. Then i'd add mininal accessories in a bright colour to liven up the black, but keep the outfit looking professional ( cue a chunky beaded necklace and some cute flats ).I'm also a fan of wearing my hair in a relaxed low bun for work ( a la Natalie Portman ) and the Jason Wu glasses are a must for a girl with poor eyesight. A tote big enough to carry not only my wallet and phone and everyday essentials, but my cute little Netbook too. Finish off with a light tinted moisturiser and dont forget my water bottle ( i dont drink coffee *gasp!* so i have a bottle of water on my desk all day ) and Polly is ready to head to the office?
What would your Polly wear to her 9 -5 ?